Money is not everything but most of things!

Well, I am not living in the hardest life now because of money… but just the hard one. My man is a good guy actually… he gives me all his salary… and just take back to support some of his daily expense. However, I still don’t feel enough. I want him to earn more by doing business or some other legal methods. Of course, if sum up between his salary and me, we could live happily but it is only enough to spend on our daily life… we can save none… I feel so stress most of time when I see him…

My man before was so caring of earning money...but now…he say he doesn't care...he gave me all his salary... and then he feels free...he said.. he doesn't care... when a guy doesn't care of money anymore...de girl will be de hardest... when will I become that real rich?

I keep asking myself… Why? Why I’m the lady but need to work full day while he works mostly only half day? Why? Why I’m the lady but I need to respond many things? And why, why I could earn double than him? Why he seems no instinct to earn more? Why I’m the only one who cares and being hard? And why then, I’m the one who need to be pregnant and need to care much and much more of myself and my whole family? Why? Why? Why? I’m totally tired….

I am not that kinda lady who tend to hide my feeling much… especially with the ones I love… I did share to him what I keep thinking… I ask him if he ever think of our family’s future… I suggest him the ways to earn more…however, he seems reject and dislike what I recommend… I ask him then what does he like? He keeps silent… I try to discuss more… do you know what kind of feedback he gives me? He says that, “what’s wrong with me again? I wanna start more arguments? He is now working too, family is not only depend on me… what else would I need? Money, money…why I love talking about money with him this much… Why?” This is what he responds…

I don’t feel at ease… I feel it is just his excuse to avoid talking about it… Our current income is not that enough for our future; frankly, it is only well enough for our daily… but we don’t mean to live a day for a day coz we already have kids… I’m so speechless…

Sometime, when I’m alone and thinking of my life so far...my tears start falling down without notice... I didn’t hurt coz of no money to support my life but kinda not enough to fulfill our family's desire…just feel regret to get him...a bit regret now...though, it would be the biggest regret later if he doesn’t change… coz we can save none... he doesn’t tend to help me...

I feel I’m envy of him…right? Oh life!

Is it a fate that the God draw for me?

Is it the family that I’m deserved?

I used to have a pretty perspective…I used to trust that money is not everything…. A family can be happy even there is no money… All in all, these are fake…  It is impossible… Everything goes to the end when I face with reality…. Such a disappointment…

More than ridiculous, I’m the hardest, the tired one to earn money…. But coz he used to have a well off background of businessman and earning a lot money, most of people especially our relatives believe that nowadays I live so happily… bcoz of my hubby! Hahhaha…. I wanna shout out loud… But then, I ask myself why I need to be so? If I’m doing that, I will ruin his image forever….

I’m so stress! I need RELAX… I need vocation… and I do need more MONEY! 

Where am I now?

My life recently become something I can't regconize... Enter de home, but I can't feel home... Seeing who I used to love but juz used to... My heart is so empty, my brain think nothing and my soul become confusing; plus, damn exhausted... I couldn't feel any care, love nor any expect for future... Maybe I should stop here or continue with my tasteless and that ignorance life???

Annoying people... I or You?

I’m mad, well… I’m mad again and again…

I wonder how come I always meet kinda people I don’t ever think I’m deserved to meet… I’m not the unique person; though, I keep putting my brain first in solving problems… Well, there would be sometime I’m too mad…and lose my commitment… but just in less numbers… I love sharing my jobs, I love helping other… and I love making friends with all level of people… What do I get do you think then? What I have in return… Those people seem trying to cover their jobs… my help to them is called annoying and interfering their responsibilities… I used to be told to do only my job and pass their job to them…lol… emm…they also love making friends… but not really everyone… hehehe…

Sometime, I just ask them something… Actually, I know there are any errors or mistakes… I still don’t wanna raise it up but replace by asking them… I want them to know their mistakes themselves… I save their faces… What’s then? They shout at me… They try to protect themselves… they don’t mean to at least take my words to think first… some cases would be over in this kinda shape… while most of cases, they will find out later they are wrong…  They may confess it or say sorry to me… while they also use to act as nothing happen… they use to even say that… their jobs, they are wrong with, they would solve… hahaha… I don’t mean to dig their mistakes… I didn’t even say it out… I just indirectly inform them… All in all, what I get from them of my pure heart, is something beyond expectation…

I’m so tired to be in the same fellow with these kinda people…  It may waste my emotions to be in annoying & stressful moments… I won’t wish them to leave but I would leave them myself one day…. Not satisfy, LEAVE! That is my philosophy… lol

Maybe I’m seen in different way to their aspect… Maybe I’m an evil bitch who keep trying to facilitate their jobs… I don’t mind how other people see me… What I know is that, I just strengthen a spirit which is called Team Spirit… their problems is mine and hopefully mine is their problems too… Once we could feel so together, our team would be really strong that cannot be affected from outsider… But who know? What you think doesn’t mean the same to what other people think… hehehe…

No matter what, all happen are my life lessons… Just I’m so sure that I love helping other…  Right, right… I love helping even there is no requesting to me… hehehe… I will get these types of result afterward…

Should I stop minding other business, including the ones I consider as closed?

Does my type annoy them or their types annoy me?

Should I live my life without sharing anything?

Isn’t it so lonely then without love?

They may neither like my personality… and so do I… hehehe… okay, live your own life and I live my own too… Please remember Rella, once there is no request in asking for your hand, don’t even think you should help… It’s useless… Rella, you must remember well!