It started with my dream again…
I dreamt of singing with a cool man I did love…
There were audiences around us and I felt I knew a few of them, looked like my
colleagues… We sang and we danced, we danced quite much until our clothes ripped
off our body that remained only our underwear. I was shy and tried to cover my
body with my own hug and moved into the bathroom but accidently slipped into
the bathroom pool. It was the highest floor of the building but that bathroom
pool seemed have something witchy that when I fell into it, it continued to
slip my body down quite quick to fall into another pool… I tried to stand up
from the water and found myself locating in the bathroom again; though it was
the lowest floor of the building!!!”
A new day came after dream…
After I got up from that dream, I tried to analyze
the meaning of it. People may find it ridiculous for paying much attention on
dream. However, my dream mostly has its core meaning for what is about to
happen in my real life. That is why I cannot avoid myself not to think about
it.
- Should it be the good dream? Coz I saw I was so
closed with a handsome man that I do love, a man who is the Korean star, a man
who will never know who I am…lol…
- Should it be the bad dream? Coz beside the time I
have spent with him happily, my image was ruined by almost be naked in front of
many people, especially some who knew me…
I challenged myself to guess the dream….
Mostly, whenever I see myself in underwear or
completely naked in dream, I will be the subject to be gossiped from people in
real life. More than that, if I see anyone around that time in dream, they will
be related to the real life’s scene. What comes to me first in conclusion is
that, those people that I saw in dream, they gossiped about me…lol…
Well, I didn’t stop thinking even I already got a
conclusion coz I won’t be sure if it is correct. I continued to guess. Immediately,
I felt shocked of thinking something… At my working place, my manager just put
resignation. The senior staff after my manager is me; I joined the company
around 6 months before the colleagues I saw in dream. I saw I fell down
magically while my colleagues were still at that high floor. So my second
conclusion came up. I guessed one of them can be promoted to be the manager
instead of the current manager. I couldn’t stay still, no stability in my
heart; I need someone to encourage me if it real happens…
On that same day, when I got home from work, I kept
questioning my mom, my dad and my husband of what should I do if this real
happen? Should I reject? Should I resign? My husband is not so different from
me, we are hot-tempered lol. He supported me all even I wanna stay or resign.
In contrast, my parents were so calm and cold.
- They asked me back, did I want to be the manager?
- I replied, I didn’t want myself to be the manager
nor they were. I always want a manager who is much more senior than me with
years of experience and high maturity.
- They said, that was my expectation only. I may
meet what I wish to have or at the end, I still cannot meet that expectation.
Then, what is the use to think about this?
- Mom added, she knew I may feel unwell if it real
happens; whatever, she wanted me to put this thought a way and replaced with
the cares and parenthood’s responsibilities to my kids. She said, keep doing my
job well until the month ends; open the salary for my family. That is all.
- Dad added more, this society isn’t the place
where we can always find justice. My dad said, a guy who just joined the company
while my dad has already been working there for 10 years and that new guy
became his boss. He also feels disappointed but what to do? His boss exactly
has the closed connection to the higher management… He said time would heal our
wounds, forget it and ignore it. That is all.
Their advises strived me to think of positivity. I
tried to put myself into a state that if it happens, I gonna be able to
confront it. I’m a bit kinda complicated person anyway. This was all what I
guessed and I already feel disappointed with nervous…lol
The next day arrived…
I went to work and left work as usual. That evening
was the birthday of one of my colleague’s son. I already reached her house but
was called to come back to the office since the highest management wanted to
meet me. My instinct told me, maybe what I guessed, became real… I feel ashamed
and a bit scare of how I could respond if he asked me something about that. On
the way back to office, I trained myself again and again about words to
respond…. =,=’
Walking into the meeting room, my legs were shaking
and so did my lips.
The conversation started:
- The highest management asked me; how did I think
if he promoted one of my team to be my manager?
It real happened!!! God!!!! -____________-
- I replied, “It doesn’t bother me at all since I
could see he was doing a lot of great work lately. Even if I got promoted
instead of him, people would say it’s unfair for him, don’t you think so Mr.
CEO?”
----big lie of me--- >___<
----try to be cool but keep shaking the
speech---- =((
- The CEO said, “Yeahh, I could see he is doing
very well. It’s good that you recognize it anyway.”
---- “It’s good that you recognize it anyway.” This
sentence is repeatedly spoken in my head none stop with doubts… what did the CEO
mean??? Did he mean, I should know how poor my performance is, shouldn’t I???
---- ?___?
We were talking about this subject around 10
minutes and it ended.
The traffic that day was just that so shit, I spent
more than 40 minutes to reach the party’s venue (which normally is around 15
minutes) and more than 40 minutes again to reach the office just to get a
discussion of less than 10 minutes! O___o’
In the last conclusion, my dream did tell me about
this. Actually, maybe there is no one gossiping me but just my honor is getting
down, new staff will become my manager. I do fall down to the lowest part.
I know he is doing many great jobs recently that
the management is quite appreciate. But, does it mean I cannot do those jobs? I
just don’t get the chance to do it. My colleague was assigned to do those jobs
coz they are the responsibilities of his position. Then, does it mean my
current job has problems? Noooo, it doesn’t have any problems. It’s going good
as normal. Since it is going good as normal and his job is going better than
normal, he got promoted. :)
Should I feel so big thankful to the management for
calling me to ask about his decision? Lol… He absolutely already made the
decision. In positive, he asked me about that since he is the management with
the high working ethic to his staff. However, if I rejected, would he change
his mind? It can’t be….hehehe….
I was sad and cannot sleep well that night… Even I
already accepted this fact but not 100% yet. I put a lot of calm in my soul; I
tried to console it and let’s it be. I used almost 12 hours in order to get a
peace and I guess I gonna use a bit more few days to get a real peace in mind…
“I better not to think about what already
lost or what I don’t have; let’s treasure of what I am having if I want the
good life!”, right???
