RellaDeQueen: We will always be the one we commit to be!

I’ve been through a path I chose myself, my professional journey. I believed I would deliver the best result and met my stakeholder’s expectation. Things won’t go as planned within the last 13 months in this journey. Though, I was very happy for myself who was absolutely brave to take the challenges and provided the best of my best. The journey was filled with thorn, the poisonous sharp thorn which put me down both physical and emotional health… I fell sick months, checked up full body and found nothing… I finally was diagnosed as insomnia. I was cured and decided to open a new page, start the new career from this July 01, 2024. The new page is loading… I don’t know if I can do it, I have no experience at all with this new career… i just wish myself all the best and lets try first… If I cannot do this, I will need to explore another new opportunity… This gets me worried, I think quite a lot on this… In my dreams, several dreams…but I remembered few only… * The first dream I r...

My dear speakup zone, my dear blog, I came here with a broken heart again... and so does the broken soul...   I cross path with a very great looking man, He treats everyone generously, His smile, his confidence… He is the definition of angel… good looking, kind and righteous…   And I believed he gonna be a great person to deal with... Time goes by... That gentle guy and a great one to everyone, became the fierce one to me... An angel to other, a devil to me… He grows negative perception on me and this negative perception quickly goes stronger and stronger...   I've tired to clear this perception... Though, it seems already attached to his bone and soul... His hatred to me is just wow... That stuck feeling in my chest is incredibly indescribable... He has no appreciation toward my efforts... But just hatred! Everyone can read him easily...  He seems want to showoff his unpleasant behavior around me...   I know, without sm...

That is not so painful as I experienced before, but that is still hurtful... I told myself, I have to protect this relationship for the good sake but the longer I hold the pain, the deeper I'm falling down... I decided to tell him how I feel so far... I decided to tell him everything I don't feel good with from now on... I decided to lets things be the way it is flowing... Because I decided to free my soul... I ever told myself to lower my expectation, Later, I told myself to zero my expectation, But now, I have no idea of what should I tell myself next... I do feel lost sometime, not because of anyone but because of myself... I should not blame anyone but it should be me to be blamed for cannot give enough care for myself... After all, I still did it... to put a blame on him...

I believe people see him as not a potential one to them… I heard a lot about him… I heard… He is bias… He is abusing his power… He is attacking who don’t support him… He is not transparent… He is building dark empire… He is super smart in an unwanted way… BUT He treats me quite well… He is kind to me… He cares about me… He gives me growth opportunities… He is worried of my safety…   He is a good person to my experience! I cannot agree with other while they cannot agree with me too… After all, we experience differently, I won’t mind them thinking anything about him and they have to not mind me thinking positively about him too…   In an unreal world… I see he is sitting near a rubbish bin… I see he is so happy to see me and he bows 3 times to me as he knows I appreciate all the good deeds he does to me. He feels so touching… I meantime bow 3 times back to him too, as my respect to him… He seems really feel attached to me and he comes c...

"Remember me..." is a song that I like a lot which is from a Disney animation called, "Coco", a 2017 film. I feel deep love in the song, a love of the Dad to his daughter. That is a sad moment that make me cry for knowing how they are apart with such a misunderstanding, sharpen painful experience... Then, i remember the time I chose to join a team where I heard many rumors about them, a negative one! I finally didn't regret to go there but instead, felt appreciated to be with them... After all, everything turns to be very stable for my life while my choice at that time brought me to know good people, to learn from them and I did let them know how I feel toward them... I'm an emotional old lady... hehehe...  To those people; in short, please REMEMBER ME...!

The first time taste of my birthday, I don't refer to my first time to celebrate but the first time that my Mom remembers my birthday and she is the first one who wishes me of the day. I just get up and go down stair, she sees me and says, "Happy Birthday my daughter! May you have the most happiness." ❤️ I really feel weird and I guess I am still not fully awake... hahaha... BUT that is real! My man, as usual, he doesn't remember at all until the late afternoon that he comes and says, "Happy Birthday my dear!" and he confesses, "I forget..." I'm totally feeling numb with that, I don't angry him but I just tease him by saying..."No need, until you forget, you forget! hahahah....  Then, the late evening, we have soup together at Little Sheep Hotpot Restaurant. I get a feeling he will bring me cake there... I feel it but I tell myself, "Stupid! Do you ever get one from him?" hehehe... My sense says that, I will get one but my br...