I know, I still go...

This happened…

 

First off, I didn’t know what future of my choice is but later, I found my choice will bring me a very bold risk… Last but not least, I still chose that choice…

 

I gave myself a hope of changes, since no one can guarantee the future…

Maybe the future I heard about, can be an illusion,

Maybe the future I didn’t expect, will be a great dimension,

That is why I stood firmly on my decision.

 

Sadly, last two days, I got notified, the future that I wish to be false, to be just an illusion, slowly become a real one…

What I found back then that can happen, now it is happening…

My choice put me in an empty space....

No access, no stress, no progress…

 

That is not unexpected event,

There is timeline I got mentioned,

The timeline of my end,

From what I decided last 2 months…

 

So, during the active moment, I will need to perform what I should perform, strive for the best even that the best will be ended by Dec 31, 2022.

 

I am wondering how come future can be this simplicity,

A future that can be predicted easily,

Can’t there be a change?

How come the worse often happen and but worth is that hard to happen?

 

It’s about my career, but feel like a love story…

A love that should not take place, yet, I still cannot leave but love that person voluntary…

Even I know that person may not be with me in the future,

He may not become my future…

 

I see the end of us,

Along the way with time is loading like a bombing,

We embrace each other and get memory saving…

An empty heart to know an end; with a love we passionately make it progressing…

 

I did think back then, with an act that can lead to a future I know in advance,

I will be ready, I will not be surprised nor disappointed,

I will be okay to start again if that future really happens,

But when I know this exactly is happening, I still could feel a deep pain, a heart with pins…

 

I guess that is coz I stall a big hope to see the different future,

but the estimated future occurs, that I just feel blank,

Keep asking, how come this can happen?

A bleeding hurtful heart inside, the dry eyes with no tears…

AND a smiley face to manipulate my existing!

Back and forth, I exactly don't regret my choice... But it still hurt me... WHY?