Money is not everything but most of things!

Well, I am not living in the hardest life now because of money… but just the hard one. My man is a good guy actually… he gives me all his salary… and just take back to support some of his daily expense. However, I still don’t feel enough. I want him to earn more by doing business or some other legal methods. Of course, if sum up between his salary and me, we could live happily but it is only enough to spend on our daily life… we can save none… I feel so stress most of time when I see him…

My man before was so caring of earning money...but now…he say he doesn't care...he gave me all his salary... and then he feels free...he said.. he doesn't care... when a guy doesn't care of money anymore...de girl will be de hardest... when will I become that real rich?

I keep asking myself… Why? Why I’m the lady but need to work full day while he works mostly only half day? Why? Why I’m the lady but I need to respond many things? And why, why I could earn double than him? Why he seems no instinct to earn more? Why I’m the only one who cares and being hard? And why then, I’m the one who need to be pregnant and need to care much and much more of myself and my whole family? Why? Why? Why? I’m totally tired….

I am not that kinda lady who tend to hide my feeling much… especially with the ones I love… I did share to him what I keep thinking… I ask him if he ever think of our family’s future… I suggest him the ways to earn more…however, he seems reject and dislike what I recommend… I ask him then what does he like? He keeps silent… I try to discuss more… do you know what kind of feedback he gives me? He says that, “what’s wrong with me again? I wanna start more arguments? He is now working too, family is not only depend on me… what else would I need? Money, money…why I love talking about money with him this much… Why?” This is what he responds…

I don’t feel at ease… I feel it is just his excuse to avoid talking about it… Our current income is not that enough for our future; frankly, it is only well enough for our daily… but we don’t mean to live a day for a day coz we already have kids… I’m so speechless…

Sometime, when I’m alone and thinking of my life so far...my tears start falling down without notice... I didn’t hurt coz of no money to support my life but kinda not enough to fulfill our family's desire…just feel regret to get him...a bit regret now...though, it would be the biggest regret later if he doesn’t change… coz we can save none... he doesn’t tend to help me...

I feel I’m envy of him…right? Oh life!

Is it a fate that the God draw for me?

Is it the family that I’m deserved?

I used to have a pretty perspective…I used to trust that money is not everything…. A family can be happy even there is no money… All in all, these are fake…  It is impossible… Everything goes to the end when I face with reality…. Such a disappointment…

More than ridiculous, I’m the hardest, the tired one to earn money…. But coz he used to have a well off background of businessman and earning a lot money, most of people especially our relatives believe that nowadays I live so happily… bcoz of my hubby! Hahhaha…. I wanna shout out loud… But then, I ask myself why I need to be so? If I’m doing that, I will ruin his image forever….

I’m so stress! I need RELAX… I need vocation… and I do need more MONEY! 

Where am I now?

My life recently become something I can't regconize... Enter de home, but I can't feel home... Seeing who I used to love but juz used to... My heart is so empty, my brain think nothing and my soul become confusing; plus, damn exhausted... I couldn't feel any care, love nor any expect for future... Maybe I should stop here or continue with my tasteless and that ignorance life???

Annoying people... I or You?

I’m mad, well… I’m mad again and again…

I wonder how come I always meet kinda people I don’t ever think I’m deserved to meet… I’m not the unique person; though, I keep putting my brain first in solving problems… Well, there would be sometime I’m too mad…and lose my commitment… but just in less numbers… I love sharing my jobs, I love helping other… and I love making friends with all level of people… What do I get do you think then? What I have in return… Those people seem trying to cover their jobs… my help to them is called annoying and interfering their responsibilities… I used to be told to do only my job and pass their job to them…lol… emm…they also love making friends… but not really everyone… hehehe…

Sometime, I just ask them something… Actually, I know there are any errors or mistakes… I still don’t wanna raise it up but replace by asking them… I want them to know their mistakes themselves… I save their faces… What’s then? They shout at me… They try to protect themselves… they don’t mean to at least take my words to think first… some cases would be over in this kinda shape… while most of cases, they will find out later they are wrong…  They may confess it or say sorry to me… while they also use to act as nothing happen… they use to even say that… their jobs, they are wrong with, they would solve… hahaha… I don’t mean to dig their mistakes… I didn’t even say it out… I just indirectly inform them… All in all, what I get from them of my pure heart, is something beyond expectation…

I’m so tired to be in the same fellow with these kinda people…  It may waste my emotions to be in annoying & stressful moments… I won’t wish them to leave but I would leave them myself one day…. Not satisfy, LEAVE! That is my philosophy… lol

Maybe I’m seen in different way to their aspect… Maybe I’m an evil bitch who keep trying to facilitate their jobs… I don’t mind how other people see me… What I know is that, I just strengthen a spirit which is called Team Spirit… their problems is mine and hopefully mine is their problems too… Once we could feel so together, our team would be really strong that cannot be affected from outsider… But who know? What you think doesn’t mean the same to what other people think… hehehe…

No matter what, all happen are my life lessons… Just I’m so sure that I love helping other…  Right, right… I love helping even there is no requesting to me… hehehe… I will get these types of result afterward…

Should I stop minding other business, including the ones I consider as closed?

Does my type annoy them or their types annoy me?

Should I live my life without sharing anything?

Isn’t it so lonely then without love?

They may neither like my personality… and so do I… hehehe… okay, live your own life and I live my own too… Please remember Rella, once there is no request in asking for your hand, don’t even think you should help… It’s useless… Rella, you must remember well!

"The Little Match-Seller" by Hans Christian Andersen

It was terribly cold and nearly dark on the last evening of the old year, and the snow was falling fast. In the cold and the darkness, a poor little girl, with bare head and naked feet, roamed through the streets. It is true she had on a pair of slippers when she left home, but they were not of much use. They were very large, so large; indeed, that they had belonged to her mother and the poor little creature had lost them in running across the street to avoid two carriages that were rolling along at a terrible rate. One of the slippers she could not find, and a boy seized upon the other and ran away with it, saying that he could use it as a cradle, when he had children of his own. So the little girl went on with her little naked feet, which were quite red and blue with the cold.

     In an old apron she carried a number of matches, and had a bundle of them in her hands. No one had bought anything of her the whole day, nor had any one given here even a penny. Shivering with cold and hunger, she crept along; poor little child, she looked the picture of misery. The snowflakes fell on her long, fair hair, which hung in curls on her shoulders, but she regarded them not.

     Lights were shining from every window, and there was a savory smell of roast goose, for it was New-year's eve - yes, she remembered that. In a corner, between two houses, one of which projected beyond the other, she sank down and huddled herself together. She had drawn her little feet under her, but she could not keep off the cold; and she dared not go home, for she had sold no matches, and could not take home even a penny of money. Her father would certainly beat her; besides, it was almost as cold at home as here, for they had only the roof to cover them, through which the wind howled, although the largest holes had been stopped up with straw and rags.

     Her little hands were almost frozen with the cold. Ah! Perhaps a burning match might be some good, if she could draw it from the bundle and strike it against the wall, just to warm her fingers.

     She drew one out - "scratch!" how it sputtered as it burnt! It gave a warm, bright light, like a little candle, as she held her hand over it. It was really a wonderful light. It seemed to the little girl that she was sitting by a large iron stove, with polished brass feet and a brass ornament. How the fire burned! and seemed so beautifully warm that the child stretched out her feet as if to warm them, when, lo! the flame of the match went out, the stove vanished, and she had only the remains of the half-burnt match in her hand.

     She rubbed another match on the wall. It burst into a flame, and where its light fell upon the wall it became as transparent as a veil, and she could see into the room. The table was covered with a snowy white table-cloth, on which stood a splendid dinner service, and a steaming roast goose, stuffed with apples and dried plums. And what was still more wonderful, the goose jumped down from the dish and waddled across the floor, with a knife and fork in its breast, to the little girl. Then the match went out, and there remained nothing but the thick, damp, cold wall before her.

     She lighted another match, and then she found herself sitting under a beautiful Christmas-tree. It was larger and more beautifully decorated than the one which she had seen through the glass door at the rich merchant's. Thousands of tapers were burning upon the green branches, and colored pictures, like those she had seen in the show-windows, looked down upon it all. The little one stretched out her hand towards them, and the match went out.

     The Christmas lights rose higher and higher, till they looked to her like the stars in the sky. Then she saw a star fall, leaving behind it a bright streak of fire. "Someone is dying," thought the little girl, for her old grandmother, the only one who had ever loved her, and who was now dead, had told her that when a star falls, a soul was going up to God.

     She again rubbed a match on the wall, and the light shone round her; in the brightness stood her old grandmother, clear and shining, yet mild and loving in her appearance.

     "Grandmother," cried the little one, "O take me with you; I know you will go away when the match burns out; you will vanish like the warm stove, the roast goose, and the large, glorious Christmas-tree."

     And she made haste to light the whole bundle of matches, for she wished to keep her grandmother there. And the matches glowed with a light that was brighter than the noon-day, and her grandmother had never appeared so large or so beautiful. She took the little girl in her arms, and they both flew upwards in brightness and joy far above the earth, where there was neither cold nor hunger nor pain, for they were with God.

     In the dawn of morning there lay the poor little one, with pale cheeks and smiling mouth, leaning against the wall; she had been frozen to death on the last evening of the year; and the New-year's sun rose and shone upon a little corpse! The child still sat, in the stiffness of death, holding the matches in her hand, one bundle of which was burnt.

     "She tried to warm herself," said some.

      No one imagined what beautiful things she had seen, nor into what glory she had entered with her grandmother, on New-year's day.

Your Birth Month & You

What Your Birth Month Says About You

JANUARY

Ambitious and serious
Loves to teach and be taught
Always looking at people's flaws and weaknesses
Likes to criticize
Hardworking and productive
Smart, neat and organized
Sensitive and has deep thoughts
Knows how to make others happy
Quiet unless excited or tensed
Rather reserved
Highly attentive
Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds
Romantic but has difficulties expressing love
Loves children
Homely person
Loyal
Needs to improve social abilities
Easily jealous 

FEBRUARY

Abstract thoughts 
Loves reality and abstract 
Intelligent and clever 
Changing personality 
Temperamental 
Quiet, shy and humble 
Honest and loyal 
Determined to reach goals 
Loves freedom 
Rebellious when restricted 
Loves aggressiveness 
Too sensitive and easily hurt 
Showing anger easily 
Dislike unnecessary things 
Loves making friends but rarely shows it 
Daring and stubborn 
Ambitious 
Realizing dreams and hopes 
Sharp 
Loves entertainment and leisure 
Romantic on the inside not outside 
Superstitious and ludicrous 
Spendthrift 
Learns to show emotions

MARCH 

Attractive personality 
Affectionate 
Shy and reserved 
Secretive 
Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic 
Loves peace and serenity 
Sensitive to others 
Loves to serve others 
Not easily angered 
Trustworthy 
Appreciative and returns kindness 
Observant and assess others 
Revengeful 
Loves to dream and fantasize 
Loves travelling 
Loves attention 
Hasty decisions in choosing partners 
Loves home decors 
Musically talented 
Loves special things 
Moody 

APRIL 

Active and dynamic 
Decisive and hasteful but tends to regret 
Attractive and affectionate to oneself 
Strong mentality 
Loves attention 
Diplomatic 
Consoling 
Friendly and solves people's problems 
Brave and fearless 
Adventurous 
Loving and caring 
Suave and generous 
Emotional 
Revengeful 
Aggressive 
Hasty 
Good memory 
Moving 
Motivate oneself and the others 
Sickness usually of the head and chest 
Easily get too jealous

MAY

Stubborn and hard-hearted 
Strong-willed and highly motivated 
Sharp thoughts 
Easily angered 
Attracts others and loves attention 
Deep feelings 
Beautiful physically and mentally 
Firm standpoint 
Easily influenced 
Needs no motivation 
Easily consoled 
Systematic (left brain) 
Loves to dream 
Strong clairvoyance 
Understanding 
Sickness usually in the ear and neck 
Good imagination 
Good debating skills 
Good physical 
Weak breathing 
Loves literature and the arts 
Loves travelling 
Dislike being at home 
Restless 
Hardworking 
High spirited 
Spendthrift 

JUNE

Thinks far with vision 
Easily influenced by kindness 
Polite and soft-spoken 
Having lots of ideas 
Sensitive 
Active mind 
Hesitating 
Tends to delay 
Choosy and always wants the best 
Temperamental 
Funny and humorous 
Loves to joke 
Good debating skills 
Talkative 
Daydreamer 
Friendly 
Knows how to make friends 
Abiding 
Able to show character 
Easily hurt 
Prone to getting colds 
Loves to dress up 
Easily bored 
Fussy 
Seldom show emotions 
Takes time to recover when hurt 
Brand conscious 
Executive 
Stubborn 
Those who loves me are enemies 
Those who hates me are friends 

JULY 

Fun to be with 
Secretive 
Difficult to fathom and to be understood 
Quiet unless excited or tensed 
Takes pride in oneself 
Has reputation 
Easily consoled 
Honest 
Concern about people's feelings 
Tactful 
Friendly 
Approachable 
Very emotional 
Temperamental and unpredictable 
Moody and easily hurt 
Witty and sarky 
Sentimental 
Not revengeful 
Forgiving but never forgets 
Dislike nonsensical and unnecessary things 
Guides others physically and mentally 
Sensitive and forms impressions carefully 
Caring and loving 
Treats others equally 
Strong sense of sympathy 
Wary and sharp 
Judge people through observations 
Hardworking 
No difficulties in studying 
Loves to be alone 
Always broods about the past and the old friends 
Likes to be quiet 
Homely person 
Waits for friends 
Never looks for friends 
Not aggressive unless provoked 
Prone to having stomach and dieting problems 
Loves to be loved 
Easily hurt but takes long to recover 
Overly concerned 
Puts in effort in work

AUGUST 

Loves to joke 
Attractive 
Suave and caring 
Brave and fearless 
Firm and has leadership qualities 
Knows how to console others 
Too generous and egoistic 
Take high pride of oneself 
Thirsty for praises 
Extraordinary spirit 
Easily angered 
Angry when provoked 
Easily jealous 
Observant 
Careful and cautious 
Thinks quickly 
Independent thoughts 
Loves to lead and to be led 
Loves to dream 
Talented in the arts, music and defence 
Sensitive but not petty 
Poor resistance against illnesses 
Learns to relax 
Hasty and rushy 
Romantic 
Loving and caring 
Loves to make friends

SEPTEMBER

Suave and compromising 
Careful, cautious and organized 
Likes to point out people's mistakes 
Likes to criticize 
Quiet but able to talk well 
Calm and cool 
Kind and sympathetic 
Concerned and detailed 
Trustworthy, loyal and honest 
Does work well 
Sensitive 
Thinking 
Good memory 
Clever and knowledgeable 
Loves to look for information 
Must control oneself when criticizing 
Able to motivate oneself 
Understanding 
Secretive 
Loves sports, leisure and travelling 
Hardly shows emotions 
Tends to bottle up feelings 
Choosy especially in relationships 
Loves wide things 
Systematic 

OCTOBER 

Loves to chat 
Loves those who loves him 
Loves to takes things at the centre 
Attractive and suave 
Inner and physical beauty 
Does not lie or pretend 
Sympathetic 
Treats friends importantly 
Always making friends 
Easily hurt but recovers easily 
Bad tempered 
Selfish 
Seldom helps unless asked 
Daydreamer 
Very opinionated 
Does not care of what others think 
Emotional 
Decisive 
Strong clairvoyance 
Loves to travel, the arts and literature 
Soft-spoken, loving and caring 
Romantic 
Touchy and easily jealous 
Concerned 
Loves outdoors 
Just and fair 
Spendthrift and easily influenced 
Easily loses confidence 

NOVEMBER 

Has a lot of ideas 
Difficult to fathom 
Thinks forward 
Unique and brilliant 
Extraordinary ideas 
Sharp thinking 
Fine and strong clairvoyance 
Can become good doctors 
Careful and cautious 
Dynamic in personality 
Secretive 
Inquisitive 
Knows how to dig secrets 
Always thinking 
Less talkative but amiable 
Brave and generous 
Patient 
Stubborn and hard-hearted 
If there is a will, there is a way 
Determined 
Never give up 
Hardly become angry unless provoked 
Loves to be alone 
Thinks differently from others 
Sharp-minded 
Motivates oneself 
Does not appreciates praises 
High-spirited 
Well-built and tough 
Deep love and emotions 
Romantic 
Uncertain in relationships 
Homely 
Hardworking 
High abilities 
Trustworthy 
Honest and keeps secrets 
Not able to control emotions 
Unpredictable 

DECEMBER 

Loyal and generous 
Patriotic 
Active in games and interactions 
Impatient and hasty 
Ambitious 
Influential in organisations 
Fun to be with 
Loves to socialize 
Loves praises 
Loves attention 
Loves to be loved 
Honest and trustworthy 
Not pretending 
Short tempered 
Changing personality 
Not egoistic 
Takes high pride in oneself 
Hates restrictions 
Loves to joke 
Good sense of humor 
Logical