Yesterday Raining

There was such a very heavy rain yesterday at around 5:40pm and this was my leaving time from work. I rushed to go home and that was quite difficult for me to ride motor under that heavy rain while I’m now pregnant around 6 months. Although, I had no choices but needed to go through this condition with the flooding road which almost made my motor to stop-working. I better used the boat…

Finally, I reached home safely. Spending around 45mins with traveling under the rain and even stucked in the traffic, I was really tired and of course, I was very hungry. Nothing I could buy to eat while raining beside waiting for dinner that would be around 8:30pm. The rain still continued to drop strongly…. I’m so surprised to know my husband was not at home!!! He been out side with his friends for dinner… he’s going out even that’s still raining… he called me around 6:15pm and said he would be back very soon but he arrived home at around 8:30pm. I was quite wondering of him; of his thought… how does he think to this family?  He’s still single or what? He often kept his pregnant wife at home alone… in case I got any accident at home, who could help me? Thus, weren’t him worry of me with motor-travelling under that heavily rain? Or not worry of his son? He seemed out of caring to me this time. I felt so down and yeah, my eyes started raining too…just as the rain outside…
He’s always going out while single, rarely had meal at home…so it’s hard for him to change his habit even after married…I do understand. I always give him time to change step by step. I always calm and talk to him gently because I think he would understand my kindness and would try to change. However, he seems see me in different way. He sees as I’m not strict at all, then he usually does what he prefers…even if sometime I ban him, he still find the reasons to fight me and does what he wants… I’m his wife… and now I’m pregnant…but he seems also not care of my daily food too… At first he knew I’m pregnant, he’s very happy and yea, he bought many neccessary things to support my health…but later, he told me to buy those by myself…he told me to buy whatever I want to eat by myself, my own budget… He seems not care of this lady anymore. He said “I’m strong and I have my own salary, I would be able to support myself….” What should I call of his this view? Is it the responsibility of being a husband? How could I rely on him? Even though I’m strong but now I’m pregnant…pregnant! Can’t he just make me happy and feel free? I mostly get angry and cry hard because of his actions… I feel so sympathy on myself… He often keeps me alone until I usually feel I’m in an isolated world….a world which full of sadness… exactly disappointed and of course, I’m furious… he still walks on the life just as he’s still single…

If he keeps suffering me like this… I’m sure I would one day leaving him… the leaving which cannot come back… the leaving which no one would see me again… :’(