Wednesday, August 14, 2019

Get tired of people lately…


+ Some people: I could see how tough they are doing and I give my hand… I help them, I want them to be releasing. They don’t seem always in this situation so I trust a bit more, they will be better from my help…
-> Result: They now turn to be in healthy situation and they indirectly deny to get back those tasks… That naturally becomes mine… No matter how stuck I am, how f***ing busy I am, I don’t find help back from those people… They won’t take it back… I cannot complain coz it was myself, the one who volunteered!

+ Some people: They help me a lot, I do appreciate their acts and I do try to pay them back their kindness… Nevertheless, they seem never feel I already tried to pay them… They don’t seem notice what I have done but they focus on what I’ve no ability to do…
They don’t feel; they don’t see my efforts to satisfy them. I try to explain and show them and they are like I don’t do enough… That seems never be enough to compare to their help on me… Their expectation on me is too high that I may never hit… My heart is so broken and they say they are the one who suffers coz of me…
-> Result: We both parties are dying inside… We are sick of each other…
I never thought this could happen…If I could move time back to the moment they request to give me help, I would exactly REJECT it…

+ Some people: I embrace my loves for them… I love them deeply and I give priority to them first over myself… Yet, they always forget me… and they don’t see if that would upset me… They just confess they real forget and so what?
->Result: I’m just a sculpture to them… Why should they care? :’(

+ Some people: We disconnect long time… And when I am right now a little bit in better life’s condition, they are back… They remind us of their good deeds in the past and they ask if what we want to compensate them…
-> Result: I am trying to pay them as much as I could even actually, I am not that rich as they think… Too heavy debt I am having right now but they don’t care… They just need a return from me coz they believe I am rich… Cool! :)

+ Some people: I trust them… I show them my all including my weakness… A long period enough, I just find out… They use my weakness to mock me… They laugh at me… They put me down and I am not sure if that is intentionally or what… They spread my stories… A secret is no longer a secret… Even someone who shouldn’t be called just a friend to me, also aware of my stories…
-> Result: What a pity soul I am having right now…

I’m not a perfect human, yet I stand and do try my best! However, I lately feel so tired of people around me… They never get enough or appreciate for what I have done for them… I’m just an item to them… They don’t need affection or such things… Their actions make me more and more believe that they just wanna earn advantages from me… The moment I thought they helped me, that is now more like they just take risk in business investment…

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