Wednesday, February 12, 2020

Misunderstanding brings Pain


I and my team got a nice but tiring project…

My management set the deadline and the rest had our own target and responsibilities to be completed in order to reach that deadline.

We all were trying hard to do but things didn’t go so well. What I observed, we did repeated job since we only focused on our individual duties without knowing our team members well. Hence, I thought of solution and raised up to the team. Team loved my idea. So, I noticed to the management and the management said we can do it in any method we felt good with and ensure our result aligns with timeline. I saw it as Green Light!

Thing went almost well… Then, one team member seems not delighted with my way of work as a whole and filed the complaint. Immediate meeting was set and I explained and solved shortly.
That team member complained second time, another meeting set up and I explained again… Things calmed down…
That team member’s still not happy with my proposal… He felt like I assigned job for him to do… He filed complaint to the management again… I was so devastated to this repeated consequence and I was out of patience… Even I did explain but they must never had accepted it that caused another and one another meeting took place… This last meeting was the worst one… I could not control my temper, I felt the management frankly was not happy with my proposal.

He asked me why this project had to follow my suggestion?
I told him it could save a lot of time without confusion and we ensure good result…
He asked me… so why was I the one who lead?
I told him, I didn’t lead it… Team asked me to do only… Anyone could do it…
He asked me… Couldn’t it be done in other way?
I told him, why not? We can… I won’t defend my opinion and rejected other… Then, what kind of method would he prefer?
He raised up…
I challenged… So that cannot be…
He raised up again…
I challenged again… and it really won’t work…
He seems upset… and so did me!
I told him, I was challenging for better, not bitter!
We both ended the discussion…
We tried to fix our mood and back to professionalism…
Yet, we found it hard to face each other like nothing happened…

Today, I find out something interesting…
The fact behind the management reaction to me is that…
He misunderstood me…
He thought I leaded the team without his approval… He forgot himself that I already noticed to him…
He mentioned like… I acted like the management who assigned tasks for team members… The way I did so far, it is inappropriate… Since that is not me but him in term of a lead person…
I feel awkward to know this…
And it went like…
Ahhhh… Again!!! I look better as BITCH, oppositely to who I am…

I almost could not believe my ears…
I always thought he was the one who would always stand on my side…
But he misunderstood me…
He chose to see me negatively first!
He felt offended, did he?
I am not that type of person…
And he is on his way to find another way to complete this project…
He could not accept the way I work, no matter how positive the result can be…
And I am sure I would zip my lips… and just lets it flow the way he flips…
I am so disappointed to know he is seeing me so…
I never meant to insult him or his power…

Oh my pity soul!
I do sympathize myself for being innocent inside by bitchy cover I must look like…

Thursday, February 6, 2020

What day is today?


Today, the sky is beautiful but I feel kinda blue…
The flowers are blooming but I’m being depressing…
I feel unwell…
I feel quite unwell…

My heart is beating slow and fast,
I ask myself what is going wrong?
I don’t seem sick but I feel sick…
What is it?

I wanna cry but why?
I don’t know, what is the reason?
I comment myself to stay fresh,
But how? My mine blocks self-accessed!

Hug is best I guess…
Could anyone hug me now?
Could anyone touch ma head and ma hair?
Could anyone bare my unknown symptoms?

Uhmmm… my chest seems stuck…
It’s hard to breath…
What is the reason?
What day is today?

Thursday, January 30, 2020

MY JANUARY 2020


January 2020 is going on very exciting to my life and so does frightening…also surprising…

I went to Mondolkiri province with my family for my first time… So cold and beautiful there…

 


 




I went to Kep province with my colleagues, we worked hard and we played to the max…





 
 







 



I spent Chinese New Year with my in-law family in Kampong Cham province, I’m always the princess to my in-law family, love them!








Though, I got damn scared with the new virus which gives such danger alert to the world… “Novel Coronavirus Wuhan”!!! I’m afraid my family would be infected… I’m pity the lives that lost and their family… So frightening!

Last but not least, I got surprising gifts for my birthday, the pink cutie bear and a beautiful bouquet with my favorite flowers… #1 Sunflowers, #2 Lily, #3 Roses… I frankly was quite surprised since I didn’t think they would gift me (they celebrated for me already on our trip to Kep province…).
  




 




It meantime also was a sad day to me… Repeated occurring… While other did the celebration for me, no one in my family notice and none of them remembered my birthday… They also forgot me last year and before last year, also before last two years and so on, I still found it hard to believe it could happen on me… In my family, all members remembered each other special days but they often forgot only me…  What is worse, I never forget their days… I cannot hide my disappointment from my Mom’s notice… She asked me and I told her all… She was surprised and asked me why I didn’t mention... Did she mean like I tried to not say it out, lets it get over and complaint? Actually, I did want to tell them but my words were stuck… I seemed like if I spoke it out, I would encourage ma tears to come along with… Back and forth, it is not the first time too… Mom said sorry to me, she told me she believed I am quite strong to go on by myself but not my siblings … Well, I’m not that strong… I still need attention, loves and cares from my family… I don’t want celebration or gift but their acknowledgement and their loves… I also want to feel special as their family members…
Last night, I could not sleep tight… It was hard to stop the tears… I felt so empty… I was dramatically broken… The Sun seems give me strength… New day starts, I get better in no time… I could get over… I feel better… I persuaded myself to go back to my theory, “Family is family no matter what!” I would give them the unchanged loves and try my best to stop expecting their reactions (I said so last year too, it must be hard to stop expecting but I must do it) … Love myself more and more, comfort myself! And keep remembering my face while crying, that was so ugly… I should not do it again, especially on 29 January!
 I should not allow myself to get the same pain!
Only one month of this 2020, things has happened spectacularly…
Sympathize my lonely soul…


Thursday, December 26, 2019

Monday, December 16, 2019

Guardian Angel


Things have occurred in both positive and negative in this 2019 but it has been more on negative side… 2019 must be not my year! I’ve stayed calm and hope 2020 would be soon to be with me… Oh lah… Then I am told 2020 would be a tough one for me again! Yet, it is better than 2019 since I have way to fix it.
What is that?
THAT IS… I must find out my GUARDIAN ANGEL!
(I do believe in this supernatural belief! Hehehe)

Who is that then?
I have no idea at all…
Who would be glad to be my Guardian Angel?
Who would volunteer to protect me?
Oh lord!!!
And is that male or female?
I just wish to be male…hehehe… I’m getting along well with male…
And I hope he is handsome… XD
Is he a mature man or that sexy guardian angel? Hehehe… I’m just kidding!

Whoever…. If you are meant to be my Guardian Angel, I trust you would be kind to me! ^^
Stay next to me this upcoming whole year 2020 please!
I’m pretty scared of being suffering, being the petty victim!
(I had experienced so much before, please do not happen on me again…please!!!)

I hope we would recognize each other quickly… Could it be the first day of 2020 that I would find you or you would find me?

I’m looking forward to seeing you soon.

Are you going to be so? ^^


Or Are you going to be like this? :D


This is March 26, 2025 in my country…

I can’t believe I often come back to my blog diary most of the time because of disappointment, painful soul, broken heart and I want to shou...