The world is still in chaos…

Covid-19 is spreading perfectly in almost everywhere of the world…

Human, animals, all are possible to be infected…

During the waiting time to hear Vaccine is found, Medicine is ready and Covid-19 is completely gone, we all are living with insecure, unstable mental and have to stay home as much as we could. Though, the one who is in debt, has to pay it regularly while the income is dropping down unbelievably…

Some companies reduce the number of their employees, some team is revised and reassigned the jobs, less people in order to save cost… In business perspective, if we don’t add value to the company, we are not welcomed. To affect small amount of people is better than affecting all people… However, this is the disaster time, all I wish is for everyone safety and sympathy for each other. Maybe this is because I am not a businesswoman but a mere employee, I think we should help each other to overcome this tough period first…

May the world could go through this harmful era soonest and I wish my family, my friends and everyone being blessed all the best!

Never lose hope, give more attention to the progress of our health's conditions, stay hygiene, praying and keep smiling, we know we would win!

She acts weird…

I met her in the mid of 2018 and we were getting along quite well. We shared many personal stories and we consoled, encouraged and helped each other. We laughed a lot, we have many in common…

She is very positive and cares free…

Until this early year, she seems changed…

Maybe this is only my feeling, isn’t it?

She became silent, she seemed react in a negative vision…

I’m wondering what has happened on her?

Hence, I go closer to her, embrace her soul and bravo for all her good achievement...

I won’t do this for only her but I am always that glad, that happy to see my friends become success…

Yet, she defined my praising words on her high achievement in such a way…

She asked me why did I say congratulation to her? She said there was nothing she saw that I should say so… She said that was her job that she must complete, there was really inappropriate for me to react this way...

Ehhh, she must think I was teasing her…

She must think I am insincere…

She must think what I don’t think of at all…

To me, all the success would be celebrated in praising words or any ways that bring our spirit the charm of enjoy winning…

And I do mean my words for her, I’m real!

Uhmmm…. She seems weird to me…

I was surprised and awkward to hear that from her…

But she is still the good girl, she told me directly without hesitation, so I could explain…

If she kept it, a wall would be built little by little between us and it would separate us one day without any notices…

I’m thankful for her reaction!

Nevertheless, I was still not sure why it could turn to be so…

I asked my bestie and she shared me similar story…

Sometime, that is because of environment and mood that turn a person to be so…

Plus, I should reflect my words again as well…

Be careful before saying…

And of course, most of people find it hard to believe me…

She is not the first person anyway…

Because I have such a sweet voice which most of people believe that my kind is witch inside…

In addition, I have a cunning smile! XD

Hehehehe…. I have no choice; I cannot change myself for anyone since this is me… But I trust myself for my pure sincerity…

Though I have sweet voice, I am not that poisonous inside…

Though I am in snake year, I am NOT the snake attitude…

Though my smile is sometime bitchy, I am NOT a bitch…

I never wanna win anyone, I only wanna win my old me to become a better me…

I really have no ideas why most of people are trying to compare themselves to me, try harder in order to win me and keep me as their enemy even I really did nothing wrong to them… I only do my job for myself and they thought I am quite show off or something…

Do I look better as bitch, a bad person?

(The question I keep asking myself whenever people misunderstand me and see me in opposite aspect from my real intention…)

Misunderstanding brings Pain

I and my team got a nice but tiring project…

My management set the deadline and the rest had our own target and responsibilities to be completed in order to reach that deadline.

We all were trying hard to do but things didn’t go so well. What I observed, we did repeated job since we only focused on our individual duties without knowing our team members well. Hence, I thought of solution and raised up to the team. Team loved my idea. So, I noticed to the management and the management said we can do it in any method we felt good with and ensure our result aligns with timeline. I saw it as Green Light!

Thing went almost well… Then, one team member seems not delighted with my way of work as a whole and filed the complaint. Immediate meeting was set and I explained and solved shortly.

That team member complained second time, another meeting set up and I explained again… Things calmed down…

That team member’s still not happy with my proposal… He felt like I assigned job for him to do… He filed complaint to the management again… I was so devastated to this repeated consequence and I was out of patience… Even I did explain but they must never had accepted it that caused another and one another meeting took place… This last meeting was the worst one… I could not control my temper, I felt the management frankly was not happy with my proposal.

He asked me why this project had to follow my suggestion?

I told him it could save a lot of time without confusion and we ensure good result…

He asked me… so why was I the one who lead?

I told him, I didn’t lead it… Team asked me to do only… Anyone could do it…

He asked me… Couldn’t it be done in other way?

I told him, why not? We can… I won’t defend my opinion and rejected other… Then, what kind of method would he prefer?

He raised up…

I challenged… So that cannot be…

He raised up again…

I challenged again… and it really won’t work…

He seems upset… and so did me!

I told him, I was challenging for better, not bitter!

We both ended the discussion…

We tried to fix our mood and back to professionalism…

Yet, we found it hard to face each other like nothing happened…

Today, I find out something interesting…

The fact behind the management reaction to me is that…

He misunderstood me…

He thought I leaded the team without his approval… He forgot himself that I already noticed to him…

He mentioned like… I acted like the management who assigned tasks for team members… The way I did so far, it is inappropriate… Since that is not me but him in term of a lead person…

I feel awkward to know this…

And it went like…

Ahhhh… Again!!! I look better as BITCH, oppositely to who I am…

I almost could not believe my ears…

I always thought he was the one who would always stand on my side…

But he misunderstood me…

He chose to see me negatively first!

He felt offended, did he?

I am not that type of person…

And he is on his way to find another way to complete this project…

He could not accept the way I work, no matter how positive the result can be…

And I am sure I would zip my lips… and just lets it flow the way he flips…

I am so disappointed to know he is seeing me so…

I never meant to insult him or his power…

Oh my pity soul!

I do sympathize myself for being innocent inside by bitchy cover I must look like…

What day is today?

Today, the sky is beautiful but I feel kinda blue…

The flowers are blooming but I’m being depressing…

I feel unwell…

I feel quite unwell…

My heart is beating slow and fast,

I ask myself what is going wrong?

I don’t seem sick but I feel sick…

What is it?

I wanna cry but why?

I don’t know, what is the reason?

I comment myself to stay fresh,

But how? My mine blocks self-accessed!

Hug is best I guess…

Could anyone hug me now?

Could anyone touch ma head and ma hair?

Could anyone bare my unknown symptoms?

Uhmmm… my chest seems stuck…

It’s hard to breath…

What is the reason?

What day is today?

MY JANUARY 2020

January 2020 is going on very exciting to my life and so does frightening…also surprising…

I went to Mondolkiri province with my family for my first time… So cold and beautiful there…

 

 

I went to Kep province with my colleagues, we worked hard and we played to the max…

 

 

 

I spent Chinese New Year with my in-law family in Kampong Cham province, I’m always the princess to my in-law family, love them!

Though, I got damn scared with the new virus which gives such danger alert to the world… “Novel Coronavirus Wuhan”!!! I’m afraid my family would be infected… I’m pity the lives that lost and their family… So frightening!

Last but not least, I got surprising gifts for my birthday, the pink cutie bear and a beautiful bouquet with my favorite flowers… #1 Sunflowers, #2 Lily, #3 Roses… I frankly was quite surprised since I didn’t think they would gift me (they celebrated for me already on our trip to Kep province…).

  

 

It meantime also was a sad day to me… Repeated occurring… While other did the celebration for me, no one in my family notice and none of them remembered my birthday… They also forgot me last year and before last year, also before last two years and so on, I still found it hard to believe it could happen on me… In my family, all members remembered each other special days but they often forgot only me…  What is worse, I never forget their days… I cannot hide my disappointment from my Mom’s notice… She asked me and I told her all… She was surprised and asked me why I didn’t mention... Did she mean like I tried to not say it out, lets it get over and complaint? Actually, I did want to tell them but my words were stuck… I seemed like if I spoke it out, I would encourage ma tears to come along with… Back and forth, it is not the first time too… Mom said sorry to me, she told me she believed I am quite strong to go on by myself but not my siblings … Well, I’m not that strong… I still need attention, loves and cares from my family… I don’t want celebration or gift but their acknowledgement and their loves… I also want to feel special as their family members…

Last night, I could not sleep tight… It was hard to stop the tears… I felt so empty… I was dramatically broken… The Sun seems give me strength… New day starts, I get better in no time… I could get over… I feel better… I persuaded myself to go back to my theory, “Family is family no matter what!” I would give them the unchanged loves and try my best to stop expecting their reactions (I said so last year too, it must be hard to stop expecting but I must do it) … Love myself more and more, comfort myself! And keep remembering my face while crying, that was so ugly… I should not do it again, especially on 29 January!

 I should not allow myself to get the same pain!

Only one month of this 2020, things has happened spectacularly…

Sympathize my lonely soul…

My Christmas 2019

Several posts of my 2019 Christmas! Silly in love with this season...