I told myself, I have to protect this relationship for the good sake but the longer I hold the pain, the deeper I'm falling down...
Welcome to my blog...my world...the world of my feeling, dream, view, favorite and yeah...complaint as well... lol
Friday, February 17, 2023
It's still hurt...
I told myself, I have to protect this relationship for the good sake but the longer I hold the pain, the deeper I'm falling down...
Wednesday, February 15, 2023
He is kind to me…
I believe people see him as not a potential one to them… I heard a lot about him…
I heard…
He
is bias…
He
is abusing his power…
He
is attacking who don’t support him…
He
is not transparent…
He
is building dark empire…
He
is super smart in an unwanted way…
BUT
He
treats me quite well…
He
is kind to me…
He
cares about me…
He
gives me growth opportunities…
He
is worried of my safety…
He
is a good person to my experience!
I
cannot agree with other while they cannot agree with me too…
After
all, we experience differently, I won’t mind them thinking anything about him
and they have to not mind me thinking positively about him too…
In
an unreal world…
I
see he is sitting near a rubbish bin…
I
see he is so happy to see me and he bows 3 times to me as he knows I appreciate
all the good deeds he does to me. He feels so touching… I meantime bow 3 times
back to him too, as my respect to him…
He
seems really feel attached to me and he comes closer to me and hugs me tight
but a hug as family, not harassment…
In the real world…
Is he suffering now? I wonder…
Is his fame smell awful now? I’m
scared…
However, Karma is real… We
cannot avoid or compensate the bad deeds with the good ones…
If he really did something unhealthy
to someone, he will need to pay it.
And he will be rewarded for
his good deeds as well.
I wish him all the best and
circle by many good and positive people!
Monday, February 6, 2023
Remember me...
Sunday, January 29, 2023
The first time taste of my birthday
The first time taste of my birthday, I don't refer to my first time to celebrate but the first time that my Mom remembers my birthday and she is the first one who wishes me of the day. I just get up and go down stair, she sees me and says, "Happy Birthday my daughter! May you have the most happiness." ❤️
I really feel weird and I guess I am still not fully awake... hahaha... BUT that is real!
My man, as usual, he doesn't remember at all until the late afternoon that he comes and says, "Happy Birthday my dear!" and he confesses, "I forget..."
I'm totally feeling numb with that, I don't angry him but I just tease him by saying..."No need, until you forget, you forget! hahahah....
Then, the late evening, we have soup together at Little Sheep Hotpot Restaurant. I get a feeling he will bring me cake there... I feel it but I tell myself, "Stupid! Do you ever get one from him?" hehehe... My sense says that, I will get one but my brain reminds about the experience! They both make sense.
Almost our dinner ends, the birthday song starts...
My sense says it again..."See????"
My brain debates..."See? The table over there? People stands up, that must be their event..."
My sense says... "Nooooo, it's ours!"
Finally, we can see if the sense or brain get it right....
Behind me, my big boy hands the cake to me while my small boy and my man tag along...
My sense is excited to see how she wins and I personally, do feel surprised!
The biggest party I ever get so far... My man's friends of over 10 people join celebration and with their kids that make it totally almost 30 people! That is clear that they are here for hotpot but that is real that they are unintentionally become the part of my birthday celebration, their presences mean a lot to me...
Blowing candles session... before that, I whisper my wish..."May everyone here meet only the happiness!" and I'm so grateful for them to be here!
Oh, I miss to check my phone too...
My Dad messages to wish me my birthday with wishes... ❤️
My sister and my brother too who message to wish me... ❤️
A birthday that was mostly forgotten, it is so bright this year... I'm so emotional...honestly!
I don't expect all of these to happen again..
Once is enough, once is a taste, once is a great memory...
And this is my FIRST CAKE I get from my man after we are together for over 11 years! ❤️
Thursday, December 1, 2022
Who are those men?
DAY 1
I see a lady…
She is in the garden and sightseeing with her cute smiley face…
There, a man keeps looking at her… That lady seems notice his presence and
turns to him… “ahh hello!”
That man doesn’t speak a word but goes quick to her and suddenly, he holds her up on his both hands…
The lady gets surprised but seems not surprised for being in his arms… Instead, she says…
“Wow!!! You can hold me up this high? Even my husband cannot hold
me up, I’m this so fat!”
She is giggling; meantime, that man quickly steals her a kiss on
her lips! She looks very speechless with astonish atmosphere… He puts her down
and leaves as soon as possible…
That lady stands there alone with her continuing surprised and is mummering… “Aren’t you my husband’s close friend, #mrfire?”
SOME DAY LATER…
I see her again, that clumsy lady…
She is working in her office. She sees her senior colleague has
strangely a sad face...
She asks: “How are you?”
The senior doesn’t reply at all but just walk out of office…
She asks her another teammate, “Do you know what’s happened on
him?”
Teammate: “Oh, I heard he will leave soon and may not come back.”
The lady gets the answer, thanks her teammate and reply, “I will
go to say goodbye for his farewell then!”
She follows her senior colleague and sees him at the bus station.
He is sitting there with other while silently wait for the bus’s
departure time…
The lady calls him, “I’m glad to see you here! I want to say thank
you so much for all your advice and I do appreciate your coaching to me, I’ve
been doing well at work, all thanks to you! I wish you all the best of your new
journey and please take good care of yourself! Keep in touch!”
She smiles brightly even though he just stares at her without a
single word…
She turns back and is about to walks back to her office, he stands
up and catches her hand, drags her to go with him…
The lady, “Heeee, where do you take me to?”
The senior colleague just continues to drag her until to a silent
corner that has a room, nearby the bus station…
Now they are standing in the room and she is about to escape…
The senior colleague starts flowing his precious speech…”Many
thanks for coming! Thank you for your wishes! May I hug you for the first and
last time please?”
The lady that I called, the clumsy lady; this time, she is no
longer clumsy… hehehe…
She replies firmly to the senior colleague: “NO!”
Then she turns back and try to escape again…
Less than seconds, the senior colleague catches her and wrap her waist with his strong both palms. He pushes her up in the space just like a Daddy plays with his toddler…
He moves around…
She is there in the space… She seems enjoys this lifting and
laugh…
He spins around even faster… She is alike a kid who is innocent
and pure… She does enjoy this!
Then she talks to him… “Enough! I feel dizzy! Please!”
He puts her down immediately, she sits near the corner of the
room, tries to balance and cries…
From how I see…
I think she was happy with that spin… But now I get it, she was
scared, though, she didn’t want to disappoint him… Yet, along the progress,
that excites her too…
From how I see…
The senior colleague, no matter how passionate he wanted to hug
her, without her consent, he didn’t do it. However, he was so smart, he still
managed to have sometime with her and saw her happy moment for the last time…
He leaves the room, she is there sitting with tears…
All in all, why does this lady involve with many men?
This is not the first nor second time I see her, she often appears
in my dream…
The way she appears, always with different men…
Who are those men?
And,
WHO IS SHE?
Thursday, November 24, 2022
Once in that school
Today, the sky is clear but the weather is calm without so much sunshine…
Cinder accompanies her Mom to Central Market in Phnom Penh. She doesn’t want to park her motorbike but choose to ride around the city while waiting for her Mom’s call after her shopping.
Cinder rides her motorbike to this and there until she sees a public school. She rides into the school while the environment is strangely silent. No one is presence there but the view is superb with many big trees, blooming garden and gentle breeze. She explores the school until arriving a tall building that seems at the back of the school. Suddenly, the school become very active. Many students leave the class of that building, they go to get their bikes while some are walking and they’re all leaving the school at the back door that links to a ground road. Cinder follows them just want to see where that ground road lead to. It’s also a bit weird for being in the middle of the city but there is the ground road…
After Cider leaves the school’s back door, she is riding slowly and feel like that road takes her to the countryside… When she stops the motorbike and looks back, she cannot see the school’s back door again. She guesses she must leave so far from school. Though, she’s never been on this ground road at all. She decides to continue her riding further but just a glace of time, she cannot see any students anymore. Instead, she sees a house on that ground road which almost block the whole road. Only by walking, bikes or motorbike that can access this road now. She gets a bit scared of if she will lose her way… Luckily, in front of that house, she sees a man who is doing exercise and another man behind him, seems doing some chores.
Cinder asks him…
Cinder: Hello brother! ^^
Exercise man: Yeahhhh… Are you
talking to me? O___o
(He looks surprised…)
Cinder: Yes! ^^
>>>The exercise man turns
to the Doing chores man, “Hayy! Come here! She talks to me…”
>>>The chores man
immediately come to stand next to him and look at Cinder together with doubtful
eyes….
Cinder: May I ask about this road
please? Where does this road lead us to?
>>>They look at each
other….
Exercise man: ohhh… this road
will bring you to Steung Treng province, do you know there? (he smiles friendly…)
Cinder: No! I don’t need to go
there! How come! I’m in Phnom Penh just these less than half hour….
>>>Cinder looks worried….
Exercise man: No worry, you can go
back to your place.
Cinder: How to go? I cannot find the
door I pass through… I’m honestly scared to see something I should not see in
this area….
Exercise man: You already see
some! Wahahhahaah
>>>Both men look at each
other and laughing again!
Cinder cannot get them and feels so clumsy…
Then, they seem come back to
console Cinder…
Exercise man: You can just turn
back and go until you see that door again. You go through that door, you will
see a giant Warrior Sculpture that holding a sword. You look at the same
direction as the sword point to, you will see another road. Go there, you will
arrive the place you were at first.
Cinder with excitement: thank you, thank you very much for your direction. :’(
Then she turns back and go quickly.
She remembers she doesn’t thank to the Chore man yet, but when she turns back
to them again, the ground road is just there without them or their house.
Her heart starts beating fast,
she cannot think of anything but rushes to go as quick as possible per the exercise
man’s advice. She finally sees the school’s back door and by going through it,
she does see the Warrior Sculpture that holding a sword and the road that lies by
the sword points to… (which she really cannot recall her memory of seeing this
giant sculpture back then). Everything the exercise man tells her are accurately
correct and he does rescue her by sending her back.
Cinder is almost in tear with
complicated emotions…
Tuesday, October 11, 2022
He is leaving...
Over 4 years that I entered Greenland Empire…
Yesterday, a
shocking news hit me! My empire's king will be leaving!
He is leaving the
Greenland Empire for another much bigger empire and his leaving will be the
opportunity of his direct people to grow and contribute.
His leaving is
the best choice for himself and his direct people, I accept that…
Just, what I
cannot accept, is the news that he is leaving…
I’m just so sad
to think of his announcement…
The fact that
he almost sentenced me back then in the past because of misunderstanding, I thought
my feeling already moved on…
Though, I
guess, I just lie to myself,
After all the
incidents, my love for him is still that deep,
A love to the
king, not as a partner,
A love with
high respect to the first leader who I feel so attached to…
I really feel
unrealistic to hear that,
I do wish it
was just a dream!
Time is
ticking, on the last day of the year end will be the last day we see each
other…
Or even earlier
than that…
I wish him all
the best of his new choice,
I wish we will
cross path again in the future…
[[ Thank you so
much for your loves and cares to everyone!
We do sense
your warmth,
So does the
fire you gave us…hahaha…
But the fire
you gave us, is to shape who we are today,
Because we are
the steel…
I will remember
you for a very long time…]]
This is March 26, 2025 in my country…
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