Hello Blog! Hello upcoming December!

We have been a part long enough my dear blog! Many things happened including the unexpected bad, the sad ones, yet the good moments with joys, hanged out often with different people! That is tasty! My tasty pleasure!

Meantime, my beloved season is back damn fast… It does proof that the moment we are working with our all and don’t keep waiting, time is going on quicker even it is actually going on as normal…hehehe… This is the windy season! Yeeeeeeeee!! ^^

I love wearing my sweater with mild long skirt or the long trousers plus with heel to go to work! I feel my warm body and my cold face… It’s way that make me feel Wowww… hehehe… I do love this type of taste… They are going along perfectly to my opinion!

Happy upcoming December! I hope this last month of 2019 would bring me memorable experience with a lot of loves, laugh and caring! I’m waiting for you!

***LOVE***

Blooming flowers through concrete

Thursday, August 29, 2019 
(In Cambodia, my country)

Things are more stable in my life recently, no much pain but a calm happiness.

I ever wished for this type of moment in the past and without self-notice, I real get it. Things are flowing the way I want…

I get the job I wished for, the job which gains me no much pressure and very reasonable paid.

I finally could work with senior leaders who are quite impressive with their responsibility, maturity and high capacity!

I meet many good and kind colleagues right now who cares people around them…

I could fall in love most of days with the same guy, my husband! We give each other more respects, understanding and forgiveness. Our love is nicely healthy.

I don’t reach a rich status in society yet but that is not bad to have my current wealth, a balancing income and expense.

I could raise my boys into the happy mood kids, they smile and laugh, they are happy most of days. Yeah, they are sick often and they recover quicker. Uhmmm, they are NOT smart at all in studying but I could see they are trying and keep trying. They fall and fall again but they get up and never give up. I love this spirit!

I could give away my expectation on my family and siblings. I could get rest even they don’t pay attention on me or sharing their loves to me the amount I need because I feed myself more positivity and call myself to leave too emotional stage. I decided to give them the same loves I always have for them with none expectation of their reflection. It is quite hard to do, yet I am continually improving.

I; most of all, won’t question why things are unfair… My maturity is a bit growing… hehehe… I accept the truth of this world, nothing is fair in this human era…

I believe I could gain this much are both from my hardworking to make it happen and so does the luck I receive. Well done Rella! Hence, I do appreciate the Deity who gains most of my wishes. Thank you for these experiences.

Keep going on! Keep doing better!

If bad things take place again, keep fighting!

"Blooming flowers through concrete"

Get tired of people lately…

+ Some people: I could see how tough they are doing and I give my hand… I help them, I want them to be releasing. They don’t seem always in this situation so I trust a bit more, they will be better from my help…

-> Result: They now turn to be in healthy situation and they indirectly deny to get back those tasks… That naturally becomes mine… No matter how stuck I am, how f***ing busy I am, I don’t find help back from those people… They won’t take it back… I cannot complain coz it was myself, the one who volunteered!

+ Some people: They help me a lot, I do appreciate their acts and I do try to pay them back their kindness… Nevertheless, they seem never feel I already tried to pay them… They don’t seem notice what I have done but they focus on what I’ve no ability to do…

They don’t feel; they don’t see my efforts to satisfy them. I try to explain and show them and they are like I don’t do enough… That seems never be enough to compare to their help on me… Their expectation on me is too high that I may never hit… My heart is so broken and they say they are the one who suffers coz of me…

-> Result: We both parties are dying inside… We are sick of each other…

I never thought this could happen…If I could move time back to the moment they request to give me help, I would exactly REJECT it…

+ Some people: I embrace my loves for them… I love them deeply and I give priority to them first over myself… Yet, they always forget me… and they don’t see if that would upset me… They just confess they real forget and so what?

->Result: I’m just a sculpture to them… Why should they care? :’(

+ Some people: We disconnect long time… And when I am right now a little bit in better life’s condition, they are back… They remind us of their good deeds in the past and they ask if what we want to compensate them…

-> Result: I am trying to pay them as much as I could even actually, I am not that rich as they think… Too heavy debt I am having right now but they don’t care… They just need a return from me coz they believe I am rich… Cool! :)

+ Some people: I trust them… I show them my all including my weakness… A long period enough, I just find out… They use my weakness to mock me… They laugh at me… They put me down and I am not sure if that is intentionally or what… They spread my stories… A secret is no longer a secret… Even someone who shouldn’t be called just a friend to me, also aware of my stories…

-> Result: What a pity soul I am having right now…

I’m not a perfect human, yet I stand and do try my best! However, I lately feel so tired of people around me… They never get enough or appreciate for what I have done for them… I’m just an item to them… They don’t need affection or such things… Their actions make me more and more believe that they just wanna earn advantages from me… The moment I thought they helped me, that is now more like they just take risk in business investment…

Would that happen in 2020?

They shared me of their opinions, they told me they didn’t mean they wanted to hold me back since I could choose what I most preferred, that would be my right, my choice. Though, they may not notice the way they spoke… The way they told me, they all meant I should not go to that new place… They didn’t wanna lets me go… Something was so!

Finally, I put myself back at the current place…

They would totally believe I also thought as them that made me choose this way…

Frankly, my thought wasn’t changed… I still wanted that place! I felt this type of circumstance already happened once in the past whereas I wanted something so badly but I chose to give to that girl because I trusted her words and she ended up betraying me perfectly… I was damn sick of myself… I hated myself… I blamed myself for being generous to that wild animal like her… I blamed myself for trusting other from my all… Nevertheless, later on I’ve been back to believe “Kindness is nothing but the special gift ever”. So, I didn’t change my thought of that new place but I wanna try trusting people again and I chose to believe their kindness is pure…

They told me many good advantages but they said they didn’t promise to give me…They only meant I may get it… Then, they told me about those advantages again… They said they didn’t promise but it was totally a promise! Well, let’s see what would happen in 2020 since they said it would happen next half year or something…

I chose to trust them and if they break it, I don’t think I would suffer that much since I ever experienced that feeling already…

I chose to invest a bit several months and let’s see how would the destiny treats me…

I wanna challenge myself… At a glance, maybe I look like I wanna play game with pains but I think I won’t lose any much… No pains, no gains!

And opportunity would come to me again in another miracle way…

Roses are red, violets are...

Roses are red, violets are blue…

New opportunity comes, I wanna jump to…

Yes I wanna move, Yes I wanna move!

After a minute then, my heart gets a bit shocked…

Thinking of if I can really give a shot,

I gonna miss my current spot…

Emotional war takes place,

Coz I trust if I decide to challenge, I gonna gain YES,

What is matter; is my inner to choose what is best…

I’m alike in a status of triangle love,

I’m falling for that new guy,

And I still have empathy for my current man…

He doesn’t treat me wrong,

He treasures me good enough as lyric of a love song,

How can I choose to be gone?

I sometime wish him to be rough,

So I must be able to find this a reason to go,

Though, he is a very understanding and a generous man!

He stands in middle, he knows it, he knows my intention,

And what he shares, what he comments…

If I wanna go, he is open for the discussion!

He adds, “It doesn’t mean I want you to leave me”,

“But I am open to discuss” as he could guess I may interest,

Uhmmm, I confess his guess is accurately right all...

Roses are red, violets are purple,

He also indirectly says if his people are willing to stay,

This team would grow stronger and more powerful!

Roses are red, violets are blue,

Oh My Buddha, what should I do?

I hesitate, I don’t get what is my true desire...I’m in a blur, blurry world!

Stay Tune...

I tell myself to stay tune, my this year misfortunes don’t even reach that half yet… The bad things are on track… I had met, I met… Sadly to those misfortunes, though you guys are trying to attack me, I still believe the better day would unexpectedly arrive in miracle way…

You stay giving me pains, you stay giving me the tastes of the dark world and you might enjoy the way you could play with my life…

And you know what? That is just your illusion…

Even I am suffering, I don’t think I should stop smiling…

I still enjoy my life in every circumstances…

Including that dark moments…

I will never lose faith…

The tears I shed, the wounds I get, they are healed that quickly…

See? The moments I gain scars; are the moments I gain lessons…

I could even live better…

I do grow stronger…

You, Misfortunes! You harm me and I become A BETTER ME!

He was a stranger…

She had never known him…

Until one day, they met…

The first impression had been quite impressive…

Day by day, she was feeling closer and closer with him…

She believed he was the one she had been always looking for,

The right model for her path!

Unfortunately, a misunderstanding occurrence took place,

And yes, she was judged immediately,

From that no one but her most respected model,

What else she could be beside dying inside…

Because this was really from no one…

BUT HIM!

He didn’t even have a percentage to believe in her,

He didn’t look into details before judging,

He didn’t blink an eye to describe her,

He didn’t even stand in neutral,

All he had done, was to create his most negative perception,

He didn’t really mean to give her a single chance…but his people did!

The misunderstanding quickly was unsealed,

Soon she may possibly be healed,

However, she lost her trust, her passion…

She could not revert her emotion back…

The emotion of being the sincere fan to her idol…

The old memory seems died...might not come back.

Finally, she looks at him now just as nothing happened…

Not even alike a person used to know…

Time goes by,

Life goes on,

Beyond expectation,

A stranger who had been once in the past just becomes a stranger again!

Moral: Do not expect other to see the same image as you… Do not expect the same trust in return, just because you trust that person purely… The moment you fall so deep in your own illusion; you finally would be the criminal of your own crime from killing your own self…