All in all, I'm just FINE!

I'm fine, you know? 
It's nothing big...
I only cry while listen to the sad songs,
And just cry by listening and watching the sweet scene,
I'm just sobbing listening to the confessing love's words,
Back then, I'm fine...
I'll try to be this fine as long as possible...
Even actually my heart seems already broke into pieces,
My tears are just falling down while writing here,
Yeahh... I'm not seriously until dead,
I'm still living,
I'm still breathing,
Even though, I'm feeling like I'm dying while living,
Don't confuse if I'm silly,
I'm not at all, 
I'm just fine in the wrong way,
I'm just living day by day,
In the environment I never dream of,
Uhmmm, I can't feel of love lately,
I'm alike breathless whenever thinking of this,
Go and back, nothing I think I can do,
Many related stories tie me,
Just the way I cannot leave this world easily,
Even if I sometime decide to be,
I have no choice,
But to act and to tell myself,
It's okay, I'm fine!

All I want is LOVE.... I feel I lost it long time enough... I just guess I may meet LOVE again if I can leave this world... or I will live better if this world fulfill with LOVE toward me again...

I have LOVE for this world but this world seems have NONE LOVE FOR ME!

UHMMM, I SHOULD BE FINE... :'[

Pray for all the loss of lives!

I would like to pray for all the loss of the lives over the world.. Please accept my deepest sympathy....

Before I could say "Pray for our world", my pray was dedicated to the French people only...and something has changed me....

Last several days, there was a terrorist attacks in Paris, France. There were shooting, bombing which caused more than one hundred people died; plus, more than four hundred people were sending to the hospital from their injuries during that time. The French President announced the state of emergency. The media around the world reported this news. People all over the world knew it and we did feeling sad and regret for the loss; including me and many people in my country. I saw an application in Facebook for changing our profile picture into French Flat to show our condolences... I did it!

However, a big part of reaction to our sympathy of the loss of French was seen in many different ways... First, I thought they were too much for even jealous about this kinda stuff. Though, later I found it would really hurtful for someone who met the same or even worse circumstance but got no awareness or the same treat as another party... Uhmmm.... whatever, they still cannot put much blame on the people who felt sad for French people... Just like me, I really cannot see everything all over the world until media brings me those news.... That's why I have no clues... Last but not least, their reaction of unpleasant mood to the idea of putting the French flat for the pray, it seems such in the big pain... Both to the person who speaks and the listener...as me....

This is our current world... Such the influence of being poor vs being rich!

 

Selfie cud make me cry...

The same question that I try to raise up for exploring the answer from him....
"Why do you always tend not to take selfie with me? Or any photos together? " is my question to him...
His first time answer, "Are you too free to just even mind about this type of stuff?"
Second time answer, "the same answer, plus, I'm so sleepy, can u just stop this stupid question?"
Third time....
Me: I still wonder why? Why can't be me but our kids do okay?"
Him: I can't imagine you can even jealous with our children...blah blah blah"

He keeps ignoring to answer me while I keep exploring for the answer....
Today, forth time....
Me: Tell me why? Help me to erase my doubt please!
Him: what's wrong in your body?
Me: Answer me and I will never ask you again...
Him: Nothing, just I dislike selfie or photo capturing....
Me: Then why could you take photos with our kids? Selfie with your friends and even selfie with that group of ladies?
Him: check my phone? X( Well, I just take and they come in by themselves....
Me: Really? And why it can't be me? Why can be your kids, your both gender of friends;however, no me or even if I wanna selfie with you, always exists no smile on your face?
Him: Why? Why do you keep stepping on my words, my answer?
Me: Coz you still don't give me real answer that I need...juz want something truely even if it is may sad me....
Him: What do you expect to hear? I will follow your desired answer... I really don't know why either but I do dislike selfie and photo shooting...
Me: ohhhh then everyone is okay but except me?
Him: I don't know...really don't know...okay okay let's it be so....I go to sleep now then....
Me: I'm do hurt.... *crying* you just got no clue of why...only know it can't be me...***crying***

Conversation ended and I'm still crying 30 mins now and he fell a sleep around 20mins already while is snoring noisily! Quite comfortable he is! Damn feeling bad I am.... He cares none about me though I'm still crying here coz  of him....
He repeatly says that is a tiny thing that I can even bring to argument....
-----speechless-----

He doesn't know or what? Love starts from all every tiny caring, loving and closing to each other...
He shouldn't hurt me just for this type of story...why asked for marry me then? I thought Coz I may his the most adorable girl... Time by time, just the more and the more I feel I may only his s**toy, the method he could get his blooded children... And a reliable part of income to feed his children...

I'm just nothing....
#crying#behideexpectation#feelingdown#somethingstuckmybreath!!!!

Was Me but not Current Me...lol

Uhmmm….hehehehe…. I last few days was moving my working desk and of course, I found an A4 document in Khmer Language which I tended to throw it into to rubbish bin but I noticed it was my hand writing letters. So, I kept a spot there and was reading if what it was exactly… Ah ha, hehehe… I felt blushing during reading… the answers of mine to those questions in that A4 document was just too clear as the reflection to the mirror…show to the point of what is my most desire of life….lol… “Money!!!!” I was too straight to share about these kinda ideas… I was damn brave to say it out… Thus, I was quite high self-esteem, very confident and really had high spirit of encouragement, motivation, loves and hope!!!

I almost couldn’t believe that was me… if comparing to my pity me currently… I feel I already lost those types of personality…lol

See the following detail:

Should be thanks or hatred?

Sometime, people is too complicated,

Being once good and that bad to another person,

And it all which I’m quite hesitated,

If what should I react?

Someone who’s actually seen closed to me,

But when something I would love to get, it comes to me,

That someone is trying to disturb,

Yeahhh, really put all the effort to stop my desire.

Though, when my desire still fates to be with me,

That someone changed and back to facilitate my way,

That someone seems helping me,

Make me feel…”oh, I was wrong to see you that evil..”

Facilitate my way but don’t make it clear for me,

There are multi questions I wanna hear the answer,

That someone seems hesitate to make it transparent,

Then, just keep going around and around.

Time is moving none stop to the deadline,

Why do you still tend not to answer me?

First you said you are busy,

Next, you said you are feeling uneasy.

All in all, I still cannot clear my doubt yet,

Coz of your up and down mood,

You said you even help me related to my economy,

My another hesitation, is it really?

I’m sorry if you are really helping me,

Just your action somehow showing as no,

Later is showing as yes,

Showing as I’m that closed and I’m also just nothing.

I & you share each other most of personal stuff,

Just I felt there were some of your lies

I might be pessimistic again,

And that is the reflection of your action to me.

I told myself to react as princess,

Or will be as an evil witch,

It gonna depend on how people treat me,

Finally run to you, what kind of person exactly are you?

Should I treat you once as good and once as bad,

Per the way you keep changing?

Nooo….noo… I’m not that unstable person,

That’s why I damn difficult to decide.

I wish to see your real you better than the painting you… Don’t act as both the closed one and the unknown person…okkkk?

Cheating words

You were not a stranger to my family but me,
One day you came to my life,
You were showing love toward this kiddy,
You showed you wanna be with me for eternity,
Uhmmm, I also had good feeling for you,
Just I cannot accept immediately,
Wanna show you first who is exactly me,
I told you I love eating fast food,
I told you I'm stubborn,
I told you I'm not a completed girly coz I don't know how to cook,
I told you I'm not that type of someone's under controlled,
I told you about my past,
I told you everything of all my bad habits, bad points...
And you were saying those all were fine to you,
It won't matter at all,
I fell in love easily then coz I trusted your words,
Our relationship started,
Of course, you could deal very smoothly with those lacking parts of me,
We finally became family!
Though, from day to day, you were changing...
You won't anymore satisfied to eat fast food with me,
You told me you dislike it,
Then you started complaining on my stubborn attitude,
While today you are fucking mad with me,
Coz I never care cooking nor try to improve it but only you,
You yell at me, you mock me,
I am too much angry!!!!
You changed and your words to me, your promise are changing,
They are in the future, will keep changing from one to another one, huh???
Why???? Why??? Why???
Such the cheating words!!!!!
If you cannot purely accept me,
Just be real to yourself and say it,
Coz while you try to ignor those points for being together,
Your this mistakes may keep hurting you,
Especially, this drag me to be suffering too,
You know, it's such a worse pain to me,
I confess I keep thinking what if we decide to be a part,
Would we get a better time, the happiness for our living????

I'm that stupid who trust you are sincere in those words saying...
Well...you aren't that wrong but I'm just so silly to believe...
***ishurtingdamnhurt***

Let’s me go; let’s me FREE!

I’m just working normally with my ordinary life… Suddenly, the powerful management of the company comes to me… He opens the new company and wants me to go there… he is trying to persuade me… tight me with many things of both huge salary packet and best working condition… Unluckily, it is not the job that I want… First, I do afraid of him and agree… However, just start with that new job for two days, my emotion reveals… and I do dislike that job… the power of my dislike is much more larger than the scary of mine to his power…  Of course, I ask him to come back and continue my previous job… Hope he would not mind me… Is it possible?

Well, well…it may so hard to understand, right? Let’s me compare into the example…

The powerful management = the dad

Me= the daughter of that dad

New job= the rich man

Once you are enjoyable with your current life…. Then your dad suggests you to marry a rich man… though you don’t love him at all… whatever, because he is your dad…so his command, you must follow… After, you decide to listen to him… You start getting to know that rich guy… Shortly, you find out you really don’t like him at all…no even Like…how to love?! What would happen if you decide to marry him as your dad’s need? Married without love is nothing but awful life… As a result, you would really become strong, stand up and tell him of what you want… The dad may cut off the relation with you if he is the strict one…

This is my condition now…. Trying to fight and get back of what I want… Would I be safe to reject him on new job and still working here while he is still my big management?