In Labor

Ahhhh…..awwww……help!!!! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!

I shouted so much with quite much pain… I was on the hospital bed and was pushing into the Delivery Room and my husband was waiting outside with a lot of worries…. About an hour passed, my baby was born and all nurses were damn surprised with a lot admiration… “Your baby was so lovely and cute!!!”

------ 3 months later-------

The baby is walking beside me… The male baby with brown color! He talks a lot and smiles a lot…. He’s charming and super cute! No one could bear not to look at him with loving eyes… BUT, I’m the one who is so nervous to walk along with him…. I dislike so much that he keeps talking so… he is so annoying to me… I even blame him, yell at him…

“By the way, what kind of baby who could talk and walk with this age… Lol”

We are in the luxury; big and high building… we are walking to see his dad in his office…

I don’t walk beside him but is leading the way and he is walking behind me…

Me: hayyyy… don’t talk! Oh god! Can’t you hear me??? Don’t talk more! Silentttttt!!!! ~with roughly words and turn to see him~

Him: A little bit smirk face but then cute smile again to me and stop talking….

BuT….Fu*kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk!!!! What the heck is it!!!! Aiiii, kill me!!!! ~I’m totally panic~

My baby is walking elegantly with his two legs….

Me: Stop!!! Stop right now before I can be even worse than this!!!!!

Him: With his confusing face, he may not know what is going wrong….

Me: Are you deaf???? Aiiii…. I should not take you here!!!! Stop walking with those two legs, ok??? Let’s walk with your own four legs right now!!! Why do you act this humanly??? Oh my god!!! Please walk totally with your all legs and be as the real puppy!!! Ok????? ~I’m damn furious~

-------He looked a lot sad but still listens to me and follows my words-------

Yeah yeah, my baby that was born last 3 months was a puppy! =___=’ And I almost cannot believe it… Oh God! I had no affair with any dog… Seriously!!!! Why the shit could this happen????

Anyway, I come to see my hubby today in his office because I cannot stay at ease….

Now, at his working desk…

Me: Honey! Let’s divorce!

Him: Okay.

Me: ~Answer this fast??~ Okay… Go now…

Him: Let’s make it after my work….

Me: No… I can’t wait! You take this baby! ~cutie puppy~

Him: And why do you want to divorce?

Me: I can’t stand hearing any rumor about us anymore… oh god! This puppy real make my life messy…

Him: I also cannot stand with your fussy attitude… you are so much… you don’t really respect me…blah…blah…blah… -__-??

Me: Good, divorce then!!
And he is back to his hesitated state… Not continuing his speech… His act shows as he doesn’t want to divorce at all…

Simultaneously, little kawaii puppy looks at me with his warm sadly eyes… “Mommy…No….”

I look back at him… He looks so pity… I also aware that he loves me so much no matter how heartless I am to him… Be honest, I do love him too but I cannot reveal it… I feel shameful to born a puppy… Though, no matter this, he is still my son and I secretly love him… I cannot show in action nor words… but my inner love him as much as my other sons, I love him and sympathize him so much… He’s deserved a better mom than me… =((

My poor baby puppy!!! :’{

My heart is torn into pieces whenever I treat him inconveniently without love it looks like…

I know this all would extremely hurt him, at the same time; it hurts me as hell too…

I know I should not take him for granted my cutie baby…

I should just love you as the way I real love you…. I’m sorry! :’\

Why Intelligent People Can’t find Happiness - 6 Reasons!

“Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know.”-Ernest Hemimgway

The presence of a faithful and loving partner, a great family life and a successful career may not be enough to prevent an intelligent soul to feel grief and melancholy.

Here are six most likely reasons why happiness seems to elude highly intelligent people:

1.      They are the victim of over analysis

Many people with high level of intelligence lean towards over-thinking and keep analyzing everything that occurs in their life, their surroundings and beyond. Too much thinking can be exhausting at times, especially when your thoughts lead you to conclusions which vex and frustrate you. They weigh you down, but you can’t help but think and think, no matter how draining the experience is.

Their ability to analyze things is great. But, it is also true that we don’t need to pay attention to everything, and crowd our minds with unsavory thoughts. ‘Ignorance is bliss,’ this saying holds good for people like you who can see right through anybody and identify their true motives. Undoubtedly, the world seems a disappointing place occupied by wrong people. Not to mention the feelings that affect you upon the reflection on philosophical problems, global affairs and the eternal questions of life that have no answers. If you learn to ignore, you can feel lighthearted, cheerful and happy.

2.      They want to match everything with their high standards

People with high IQ are always sure of what they want and anything less than their expectations fail to satisfy them, and this makes it more difficult for them to be happy. This stands true for everything, whether it is career, relationships or anything else that matters in life.

It’s a fact of life that we never get all what we want. But, this practical knowledge is not present in those who have brilliant theoretical minds. They have little practical intelligence and maintain idealistic views of the world that really doesn’t help them in coping with the ways of the world. So, when they find the reality is contrary to their expectations, they feel greatly disappointed.

3.      Intelligent people judge themselves too hard

One of the reasons of unhappiness also crops from their tendency to be extremely hard on themselves. It is not only about their successes and failures, but everything that is about them. Their deep thinking nature minutely analyses their behavior and actions and compares them against highest standards. Even though it is done unintentionally, this tendency offers them enough reason to blame themselves for no reason.

An act committed years ago can suddenly haunt their mind and remind them how they had failed to do things rightly. This disturbs their mind and messes up their mood. After that, they can hardly spend the day cheerfully or manage a relaxing sleep at night. These types of flashbacks into past mistakes are frequent in intelligent people. Guilt and discontent fill their mind. These negative emotions are enough to erase happiness from one’s life.

4.      They aim for bigger things

They cannot be satisfied with what they have in life because their high IQ gives them the power to imagine bigger things. They are always looking for a bigger purpose, a meaning and a pattern. Some of them are driven too far away by their intense imagination, making it impossible for them to enjoy the good things they have in their life. Ordinary life is too boring for them and that is why they search for exceptionalism, which of course doesn’t exist in reality.

Do you think this planet is not your real abode or you should live in a different era? It is nothing new about intelligent, deep thinking individuals. With such thoughts swarming your mind, you can hardly hope to be happy when you cannot accept the world and even the time you are living in.

5.      No one to appreciate them or have a meaningful conversation

We all yearn to be truly understood, but intelligent people can hardly find someone who can understand them. When we have understanding people around us, half of the stress in our lives ceases to exist. There is nothing more comforting than having a meaningful conversation with a like-minded person who understands your views and ideas on everything spanning from personal life, philosophy, to global affairs and other complex questions. Most intelligent people feel misunderstood and lonely, as usually no one appreciates the depth with which they can see and analyze things.

Science has proved that smart people don’t need to socialize as much as the people with average IQ, to be happy. Nevertheless, smart people feel the need to meet people, interact and have an enjoyable conversation. They are more interested in talking about meaningful and fascinating things rather than talk on subjects like food, weather or weekend plans. The truth is, it is difficult to come by a person who can indulge in a deep conversation. This is the result of the materialist and consumerist society we live in.

6.      Smart people often develop psychological issues.

Many studies have found a connection between highly intelligent minds and psychiatric disorders like bipolar disorders and social anxiety. Is it possible that these disorders are side effect of a brilliant mind? We cannot confirm this, as there are so many hidden mysteries of human mind and science, yet to be revealed.

It is not that all intelligent people suffer from severe mental disorders. But even the ones who don’t, are susceptible to existential depression which usually results from over-thinking. If you keep on thinking and analyzing everything deeply, there comes a time when you start thinking about life and death. Your mind begins to search for the meaning of your existence and that is when you begin to re-evaluate your own life. This saddens you, but for no apparent reason.

Reference: http://themindsjournal.com/intelligence-happiness/

These few years of December

December is the month of excitement since I was kid, I love Christmas moment lol

December is also the month of love, I got married on December and my beloved man was born on December too…

However, December is also the month I got quite suffering these few years…

It was December in 2012 or 2013, I was quite sick with server flu and cough… I cannot go to work many days, I cannot speak at all; I was alike a mermaid who sacrificed the voice to the witch…hehehe…

- Offer the voice, the mermaid gets the legs and go to find her love…

- Offer the voice, I got nothing but ehh... weight loss unexpectedly… not bad! =))

Then, on December 2014, I got pregnant around 3 months with my second baby boy… Oh well, things weren’t going on nicely with my health again. I got a bad bladder inflammation! Because I was pregnant, I tended not to take any medicine nor going to consult with doctor; I was scared if it would affect my baby… And because I was so, I made it become worse. I can barely walk or even lifted my feet. I needed other people to accompany my walk just because I cannot make it by myself. I got bleeding urine and I thought I would not get over it, I would die... Though, I was better and better after I met with the doctor and agreed to take medicine… And I could survive and right here, writing this memory…lol

On early month of December 2015, it was about hospitalize one more time…. My second baby got a strange illness, it didn’t hurt him at all but it affected his beauty. It was kinda illness that once was alike a red mole on his right ear but it became bigger and bigger time to time. I took him to consult with the doctor and finally he was decided to get hospitalize in order to test the medicine. A few days at first were going fine and we were assumed to leave hospital the next day. Things changed disgustingly lol… I've hated it till now… The last night before the next day we planned to leave, my baby’s circumstance changed by high temperature, more than 30 times diarrhea a day and we were required to stay at least 1 more week. Oh well, I cannot stand with day and night at hospital anymore so after three days, I asked the doctor to leave. He didn’t agree but I insisted until he agreed. I was very happy as a fish that can manage to escape into the river...

Nahhh, only one day passed at home and it was around 11 o’clock at night, my boy got back high fever and too badly diarrhea, I was just quite worried, heart beat very fast… I sent him back to hospital at that same night but we were not accepted immediately, I needed to wait until in the morning of working hour (Kuntheakbopha hospital). My baby boy condition started to be worse and worse until he was no conscious and I was shocked with scared as hell, I was crying so much. The people around me looked at me with sympathy and finally, I could meet the doctor before when I was deserved coz they were afraid if my kid was so serious but lol, he was just exhausted from too much diarrhea. Finally, I was staying to accompany my boy in that hospital more than 10 days. I tried so hard to be flexible with the environment there….

- Using hospital bathroom, toilet,

- Having street food most of time,

- Sleeping in the same room with more than 50 people,

- No TV, Phone were not allowed,

- Seeing how real poor people were, seeing other kids suffering, hearing the kids’ dead!

- Catching fever but still needed to be there since my hubby was so sick at the same time too,

- Going through Christmas time with nothing at all… And even Year End… “I was crying… self-pity! Lol”

How is about December this year, 2016?

Hehehe…. I was sick since November and until today, not yet fully recover. I keep coughing, sore throat, catching cold and fever most of days… I’m that weak lately. So do my both little boys, they are sick just since before me and not yet fully be well… We all are not serious but very annoying and spending money nonstop… This duration, I also need to spend a lot for my whole family preparation (buy this & that) to join my sister’s wedding and for her wedding’s gift too…

It is mid-December now, Christmas and New Year are about to arrive, I wish for myself and my family all the best; hopefully we won’t suffer anything more!

So shameful...

Tomorrow is her big day, my sister's wedding day.... So today, we invite the monks to bless the new couple in the evening which we always call "Thngai Sot Mun".

Everything is going quite well except me, I'm lacking so many things lol but I calm those feelings and  still keep smiling. I'm with what I can afford... I'm with my normal white shirt and traditional long skirt with only ring but no other else jewelry... But I still feel proud coz at least I have that ring... Proud to be not so poor hehehehe

However, things change when my hubby arrives....

He stares at how I dress....

He looks very nervous and yells at me..."Go!! Go to change your clothes..."

People's who are near him, they look at him and then look at me.... They smile....

But I'm just so shameful... I feel so shy!!!

I run to hide myself in my bedroom....and cry!

I'm trying to be strong but he reveals my real inner...

He seems try to make me know how low I look like....And I do know but I'm good at pretending...

He unintentionally touchs my deepest wound that I hide quite long time...

I don't mean to look that poor but I do all for this family, I don't think of myself even I am hurt along with... Yet, he doesn't care my this little fame and ruins my last strength...

If he has some little care about me and love me as how he loves himself or his kids, he should come and whisper to me silently of how he thinks about me.... I don't mind of his criticism coz we are family but he should make it properly....

If he real loves me, he should not yell at me of how I look; instead, he should feel proud of how I sacrifice for this family and feel sympathetic to his wife.... He should be so... he should not be that.... =((

I’m Lost

I don’t know how I could be working the work I am working?

Things I never think it can happen; it happened…

Work I have no more passion about; I still need to pretend…

I want to leave but I cannot leave…

Once I choose my own happiness, they suffer,

Or if I make them in better condition, I suffer!

I have thoughtless why I am doing what I am doing?

I know I am doing to be the sake of their happiness,

I thought I would be happy to see them happy,

But then, I am suffering as hell,

Coz I cannot get out from self-complaining,

Things are un-forbidden in hurting me…

I really cannot figure out why I am here?

All those bitchy people are around me,

They are on stage, team up and look down at me,

I’m the subject for their bullying…

They offend my life, my story, my speech and my everything…

They in the dark do so to me and act innocently in front of everybody!

All in all, I know who they exactly are but in order to gain peace, I choose silent and pretend to be okay even I am in deep pain, I am just so heartbreaking…

I feel I am drifting in somewhere so misery and no way is found… Yeah, I’m lost….

P-E-R-V-E-R-T

I was assigned to join an event at Sunway Hotel and the topic was about Child Trafficking, Child/Woman Sexual abusing-harassment and law/legislation to protect them in Cambodia.

Arrived there, participators were gifted and invited to go inside the conference. There were many high class, high position people to join and they were from the government sector, embassy, the NGOs and Telecommunication sector. They started to present their ideas, sharing, debating, questioning, discussion and prepared for the conclusion.

I was there with two colleagues but they were male and the ones who I was not so closed with, I was there just not so different to be so-called alone… Until the lunch break, we all were invited to have Buffet lunch at a restaurant there. We three sat at a free table and went to select the food. When I was back, I was a bit surprised to see my table was filled fully with the officers who looked that high as well. I was trying to act professionally but ehhehe… they weren’t so formal, they were talking and enjoyed the lunch freely. Hence, I felt a bit at east and enjoyed my lunch without worry too. I then ended my first plate and got up to get the second one… lol…

While I was walking around to see what I should eat more, I felt there was someone following my steps… So I turned back and saw one good looking officer whom looked around over 35 years old… I automatically turned forward coz I was sure as I got confused. He has no reason to follow me; we both didn’t know each other and never talked to each other at all… I continued my path to seek for food  =))

Suddenly, there was someone to touch my shoulder and I turned around again… There was that the same person….

Me: Ahhhh…. I’m sorry if I block your way sir… {with respect}

Him: No… not at all… I want to touch you myself…

------- I was like…. O,o??? ----------

He continued…

Him: I am at the same table with you, don’t you notice? Emmm… you are a so beautiful lady…

------- I was asking myself, “wahhh… this elder man must be kidding with me….”----- So, I smiled clumsily and replied…

Me: ahhh…hahahah… you are funny… who is pretty? Do you mean this chubby lady? I point to myself…  :D

Him: You are not fat but lovely… You are so cute and I real meant it! {He looked serious…}

He was walking to me and was about to touch my hand…. I stepped backward slowly… and urgently to escape from him…. He followed me and asked me if where I worked… what was my phone number…

I didn’t answer and I didn’t turn back either… And he also didn’t return to our lunch table…

He looked good with his appearance and so did his position to be like… I trusted he must be the leader of some office of the state… However, he was trying to seduce me and was trying to touch me… Oh well, he was qualified enough to be called PERVERT!

I had no idea of how that thing could happen… Maybe I looked that easy to be seduced, right? F**K! Or maybe I looked poverty and he thought his appearance of that high class would attract me? Whatever reasons he may see, he should at least has brain to remember things he just met recently… he was just going through the conference about illegal abusing, sexual harassment and the law to defend… He was just so suck and cheap ass to act this way!!!

There were not less people who stayed there and he could be this low attitude… I cannot imagine what he would do if there is no one else but only him and me…

We Don't Talk Anymore

This is nothing but us in those often moments....lol

High School re-Taste

I graduated high school since 2007 and counting until now is about 10 years. However, I always miss my high school’s student life. I always wanna flash back the time-being and enjoy that moment even it may be last only 1 day.

Until recently, I got informed that I would be in a Formal Test of general knowledge and English for challenging to be the officer of government. Yet, don’t confused if I was automatically selected for the test but my honey was the one who applied for me and I was that innocent to know about this… lol… He bought the form for me and lets me fill my personal information while the rest, he took responsibilities to fill more and so did the process to apply… Two days more before the test day arrived, my honey gave me more than 10 softcopy documents to review and told me to try to memorize for the exam but you know what? They totally were about over 200 pages and I was just too busy with my work and so did at my home too (my both sons were all sick). I tried so hard to read them with my very less time…

Exam Day arrived…

I was meant to reach exam’s venue at 6:30 AM and it was Sunday. That day was raining none stop as cat and dog since around 1AM. I wanna gave up the exam, no feeling at all but he forced me to go… X(

Say goodbye to my home and reached the place of exam at around 6:45 AM. It was drizzling just like a falling snow… Everywhere was so crowded with many applicants to get the exam; just liked the first new day of school. I, with my all tied hair, natural makeup face and that white shirt & big dark blue skirt, I looked just beautiful as a student (a bit so fat, so big only) lol…

I ran under the drizzle and was trying to find my class to get the exam. It was in a high school as the exam venue and I immediately got the feeling of my high school… I always ran to reach class coz I was always that late…hehehe…

I got confused with the map and it took so long to find my class with my sweating body… It was always me and it was still me, almost the last or even the last one to get into the class. Then the rain started very much again… The class has no light so it was a bit dark and everyone looked so sleepy, especially me! =))

There was a guy who sat in front of me…

He was kinda gentleman and friendly....

In front of him, there was another guy…

Though, he didn’t talk with that front guy any much…

He just kept looking at me…

He chitchatted with me…

But I was so sleepy….lol

So, I tried to escape from him by resting on the table and he moved his seat to the direction I rested and continued to look at my face with his nonstop flowing words from his lips… No matter how many times I tried to change my resting direction, he kept following me… 

-----I was just so annoyed-----

Even when I closed my eyes and pretended as sleeping, he still didn’t stop speaking….

He seemed so care of me, he asked me if what I did at night… He advised me to take good care of my health…

Nahhh, he showed his so caring attitude and shared me his so fresh smile…

It was a feeling of high school again… I got flirted…

And it was again, I reacted nothing much…. Be like pretty girl’s attitude! Gagagagagaaga….

Maybe around 7:15 AM, the exam papers arrived…

- I needed to fill my personal information…. Ok, I can write very fast…

- I need to fill Exam's venue name.... And I put my high school's name...sh*t!! Totally wrong!

- I needed to fill the ministry I applied to…. Fu*k! I didn’t know at all!!! He was the one who wrote it for me! o___O’

That front seat gentleman could catch my confusing moment and I told him I didn't know the ministry I applied... He laughed but he also advised me to ask the exam monitor to check my document! So shamed I was!!! So clumsy…. Lol

That was another flash back feeling; I looked that stupid most of time while people, especially the opposite sex found me as cutie…. hehehe....

The exam started….

General knowledge test was the first round, the front guy asked me if I can answer or not and I told him they all were questions from amazon or something… aww… I didn’t know the exact answer at all so I told him I won’t need that 2 hours to answer, half hour for me should be enough… lol… I had nothing to answer….

He laughed and continued to write on his exam paper… and I started mine too…

I was one of superb students about Khmer Literature… I could answer them well no matter what coz I was always good at describing things, good at imagination, giving examples and so did the good writer too… I always was one among top three high score students.

Back to this exam, of course I knew nothing to exact answer but I still can analyze and wrote it down… That guy after a while, he turned back to me and he acted just so surprised to see how I wrote, almost done…lol…

Him: nahhh… I supposed if I could help you…

Me: hehehe… I almost have done it but I was just answering with no clues….

Him: And you acted as you cannot do it at all…

Me: Did I???

We both laughed…. Hehehe….

First session ended…

I didn’t ignore him anymore; he was that kind to share me the answer, wasn’t him?

We spent our break time to share this and that… he asked me a lot, my study life, my work life and many relevant, except the love life…lol… And I knew a lot about him too coz whenever he asked me, I always returned back by “And you??” ^^’

I felt he real liked me a lot…. XD

It was a very beautiful weather anyway, the rain dropped none stop; it cleaned the nature properly and made surrounding nature brightly in green… The wind was flowing gently; the classroom was fulfilled by pairs of conversation, talking, chuckling and some pair looked that shy to each one too…hahahha….

Nothing was different from my high school moments....

Second session started….

Exam paper was on each applicant’s table…

That guy was teasing me by his smilely face… “Ehh, would you say you cannot do it again?”

And I replied, “Maybe? Who know?”

We laughed again…lol….

……..

……..

……..

I’ve done with my exam paper and this second session was about English and Computer testing… All questions were multiples choices. Frankly, I have done from much more of guessing than what I actually knew… heheheh….

That guy turned to me again… and he smiled sweetly again and asked:

Him: Readyyy???

Me: Yesss…. And I gonna leave soon….

Him: huh… [he seemed so hesitated….]

Him: ….uhmmmm….emmm……well, could you share me the answer of computer test? I had no idea about that….

-----------He was so shy--------

I was like…."Ahhhh….ahhh…. here it was… you can see but well, all got from my guess only, I had no trace about them either… " hehheeheh….. (^_^)’

He smiled nicely again while his hand was busy copying the answer….

After he have done copying, I said goodbye to him & left the room….

In short, all he did to me was nothing about “Like” or “Care”…. Heehehe…. It was just a normal attitude of applicants who would get the exam, built connection and it may be useful in some way…. XP

Last but not least, it was a feeling I ever got from high school too… I was over-thinking! 10 years already from my high school and I’m still not so different from the past….

SihanoukVille House on the Hill

I’m walking along the natural street in SihanoukVille while is hugging his hand and we meet two beautiful ladies there. They are the actresses and my man is a popular actor, the very handsome guy^^ while he is wearing this white shirt, he looks damn sexy! :* This incident meeting is such a greeting time to them; especially, those ladies. They come to greet my man very closely. They remind my man about their performing scene of kissing and even persuade my man to do it there by the reason of beautiful scenery to fit with kissing… Fuck you bitches!!!  Oh well… my man seems stupid or what?? Coz he agrees to kiss with the first lady who persuades him; however, he rejects the second lady by excusing as it doesn’t seem appropriate….

“Pervert!!! Why can’t you think so since the first????”        

I don’t feel good at all and stare at him angrily… he smiles too charming to me and introduce me to those ladies… “By the way, she is my woman! She is so cute, isn’t she??? We soon will see our little prince and princess…hahaha”

He talks proudly and happily as I’m the limited edition of the world and he is the lucky one to get…lol and that is the moment I just notice that I’m pregnant with my lovely twin of a boy and a girl… lol… I’m so stupid to be able to forget such this special thing…. Thus, when was our erotic night? Hehehe… No idea at all… But I know I’m deeply in love with him… I’m falling in love with him again and again whenever he smiles…even sometimes, it is not the smile for me…. hehehhe….

We continue our walking and heading to somewhere I have no idea about… He uses his strong arm to hug my shoulders; his smell is so…so… oh lah, so manly! ^,^

We walk into a narrow street… the houses around there are old fashion and look kinda dark… I feel scared but he tells me it’s nothing bad… He tells me not to judge anything just from what I see… The people there know him so well and talk to him very friendly while he seems so glad to meet them too.

Finally, we arrive our destination. That is a medium flat but decorates as Villa mode. It stands on a hill with several more flats and this location is higher than all other houses there. He gives me keys to log in and he tells me I need to log 3 times correctly with different keys in order to come in the house. If I get no matter only 1 time mistake, the key won’t be unlocked even later I get the right one... We may need to wait a few hours first in order to start again. I hear a man’s voice tells me I choose the wrong key but I trust my man’s words more than anyone so I won’t change to follow that strange voice. At the end, the key is unlocked. We walk in… the indoor decoration is wooden with remarkable ancient style.

Me: whose house is it?

Him: It belongs to my aunt. She is the informal wife of the king but now she is free from her complicated life and is living abroad. She gave this house to me.

Me: [----Mistress?? I’m thinking inside…. & keep silent outside… hehehehe----]

He is sitting there near the window and having some hot tea while I’m exploring the house, the rooms, one by one… Until I open a bed room which belonged to his aunt, I feel just so frighten… it looks very scary and disgusted as in prison…. Such a spiritual room I’m thinking about… But other rooms are neat and clean….

Me: We should not live here, I don’t feel good honey!

Him: Here’s okay, don’t worry dear…

Me: Nahhhh… So, won’t you prefer to go to the beach???? I wanna have the meal there…

Him: Around here also have meal to sell… should we have soup nearby??

Me: Aww… I dislike here… [---I’m smirking---]

Him: Hahahah… stop nagging na… [----He is rubbing my head gently with chuckling----]

I’m about to sit near my beloved man and we notice a noise outside… We look out of the window and there is a big natural pond behind the house; though, many tractors are working so hard on that pond to fill it to be the smooth land… He tells me that investor is trying to buy this house for their development project and most of owners agree with their negotiation but he is the one who never agrees. He mentions that it is the only one inheritance that his aunt gave him. So he must take very good care of this house till the end…

We go out of the house, he hugs me warmly and we are standing there watching those working tractors….

They are trying to negotiate to buy our house but coz we don’t sell it, they have no choice; they can’t force, it is illegal….

Those a few more flats that I first saw when I just arrived, they all disappeared…. Our house is then prettily standing alone on that high hill and shows her beauty elegantly….

Feeling Remote

No matter how beautiful the fresh flower is; it is going to wither and soon to fade away…

No matter how paradise look like for the spring is; it is going to be replaced by another season once time arrives….

Just like me; I felt so lonely coz people around me are discriminating me indirectly or even directly. There are some generous people who come to my life and brighten my daily smile… However, it is very sad coz when their time arrives; they’ve gone one by one… Oh well, they didn’t die, I meant they left me…

I felt so miserable; I went to a pagoda and met the monk I always trust the most. I shared him my story and he explained me a lot but he ended up by a remarkable phrase...

“PLEASE stop putting yourself in sorrow; please stop being happy coz they treat you well or being sad coz they are doing something unsatisfied to you since all of all; your happiness is belong to you, yourself! Please stop being glad or sad coz of other! Please learn to create your own happiness by YOURSELF!”

Of course, this phrase is repeatedly spoken in my head. I should not offer my Feeling Remote to them, shouldn’t me? Though, just my heart is still in pain and not yet know where to start first in order to gain or maintain my own happiness by myself. Just coz I still believe that a flower can be well blossom coz of the nice weather…. A person can be joyful coz of surrounding good people… I don’t think I can be that happy once I’m around by devils…

Blue Swimming Pool

In my swimming suit and I’m hugging my toy, walking around the swimming pool in a WaterLand Resort…. The pool there is so beautiful; the water is quite blue as the sea… There is a large slipping board that we can enjoy by slipping ourselves into that pool… However, I don’t dare to play since I don’t know how to swim.

Suddenly, a few people call my name and they are my colleagues… They call me to play in that pool with them… I smile and slip myself by turning my head down and it’s going quite fast into that water…. Wahhhh, I’m so excited!!!! Hahhaha…. A colleague then suggests me to slip by my legs down first is more fun since I can smell that blue water when I fall down… I wonder if this water may have smell as the sea since it looks so much alike the sea… With the doubt of how it smells, I do as he suggests… Do you know what I get? Oh well well, it smells nothing as the sea but a chemical smell… Maybe this blue water is gotten from chemical substance and what is annoying me most, I get choked while a lot of water goes into my nose and I’m hardly to breathe with so teary eyes… lol…

We are playing in that blue water around and around… I wonder again of how big the pool is since I don’t see it all at one glance… It has corner wall to hide the exact space of the pool… I alone, walk enjoyably in the water to a corner on the right side and mean to go further… Immediately, a man voice talks to me….!!!!

Him: “Stop! Go back now!”

Me: “Why??” and I turn to find the owner’s voice….

A very good looking man is sitting at that right corner with his light blue shirt, a bit long hair that is about up to his neck and looks at me in a kinda smirk strict face and sharp eyes… A face that seem caring of me as an elder brother whom sees his own sister is doing something crazily that is more than enough to make him absolutely mad… Though, I swear I don’t know when he comes here coz I’m sure no one stays at this corner from when I am in this water… He just appears so mysteriously I feel….

We continue our speech….

Him: “Just go back, there is so dirty!!”

Me: “Dirty? With this cute blue water??”

I don’t listen to him at all… Even though he is handsome but it doesn’t mean all handsome guys can order me to do this or that… +++Just most of them only… hehehhe+++

I don’t care but walk steadily to that right corner… Oh ohhh…. I step on something that is too soft and my feet feel they are type of mud or something of disgusting rubbish that is rotten….

Me: “Aiiiiii, what are these??? I feel so disgusting….”

That mysterious man replies me: “Go back then! Get out of this water!”

Me: “Hmmm…. I’m thinking if I should… Or I can just play at my previous spot is okay, right?”

Him: “Look at where you just move from and everywhere of this water!”

I turn around as he orders and I’m quite panic… I am alike in the stream water that full of mud… Not the blue but the light brown water as milk-coffee…. I cannot see the bottom of the pool as I just go in… People I once play with are all gone… I feel so scary… It seems a witchy pool to trick me in… I’m so rush to go back out of the pool… Simultaneously, I look back to him and it is the same time he looks at me too… I’m with my thankful face and he with the same facial expression as first I saw him… Maybe he is still mad coz of my stubbornness… ^^’

This was my dream last night…

I don’t know what kind of bitchy case may happen to me again…

I got tricked twice…

Second trick was to drag me into the water in inappropriate way and made me choked badly…

And the first trick that I met, the trick that I had no idea it was a trick… It was that I was seduced to play in that nice blue water which in reality was just damn dirty water… Witchy to the max!

Whatever, I finally was rescued…. Lol, thanks you so much to Mr. Good Merit!