Who are those men?

DAY 1

I see a lady…

She is in the garden and sightseeing with her cute smiley face… There, a man keeps looking at her… That lady seems notice his presence and turns to him… “ahh hello!”

That man doesn’t speak a word but goes quick to her and suddenly, he holds her up on his both hands…

The lady gets surprised but seems not surprised for being in his arms… Instead, she says…

“Wow!!! You can hold me up this high? Even my husband cannot hold me up, I’m this so fat!”

She is giggling; meantime, that man quickly steals her a kiss on her lips! She looks very speechless with astonish atmosphere… He puts her down and leaves as soon as possible…

That lady stands there alone with her continuing surprised and is mummering… “Aren’t you my husband’s close friend, #mrfire?”

SOME DAY LATER…

I see her again, that clumsy lady…

She is working in her office. She sees her senior colleague has strangely a sad face...

She asks: “How are you?”

The senior doesn’t reply at all but just walk out of office…

She asks her another teammate, “Do you know what’s happened on him?”

Teammate: “Oh, I heard he will leave soon and may not come back.”

The lady gets the answer, thanks her teammate and reply, “I will go to say goodbye for his farewell then!”

She follows her senior colleague and sees him at the bus station.

He is sitting there with other while silently wait for the bus’s departure time…

The lady calls him, “I’m glad to see you here! I want to say thank you so much for all your advice and I do appreciate your coaching to me, I’ve been doing well at work, all thanks to you! I wish you all the best of your new journey and please take good care of yourself! Keep in touch!”

She smiles brightly even though he just stares at her without a single word…

She turns back and is about to walks back to her office, he stands up and catches her hand, drags her to go with him…

The lady, “Heeee, where do you take me to?”

The senior colleague just continues to drag her until to a silent corner that has a room, nearby the bus station…

Now they are standing in the room and she is about to escape…

The senior colleague starts flowing his precious speech…”Many thanks for coming! Thank you for your wishes! May I hug you for the first and last time please?”

The lady that I called, the clumsy lady; this time, she is no longer clumsy… hehehe…

She replies firmly to the senior colleague: “NO!”

Then she turns back and try to escape again…

Less than seconds, the senior colleague catches her and wrap her waist with his strong both palms. He pushes her up in the space just like a Daddy plays with his toddler…

He moves around…

She is there in the space… She seems enjoys this lifting and laugh…

He spins around even faster… She is alike a kid who is innocent and pure… She does enjoy this!

 Then she talks to him… “Enough! I feel dizzy! Please!”

He puts her down immediately, she sits near the corner of the room, tries to balance and cries…

From how I see…

I think she was happy with that spin… But now I get it, she was scared, though, she didn’t want to disappoint him… Yet, along the progress, that excites her too…

From how I see…

The senior colleague, no matter how passionate he wanted to hug her, without her consent, he didn’t do it. However, he was so smart, he still managed to have sometime with her and saw her happy moment for the last time…

He leaves the room, she is there sitting with tears…

 All in all, why does this lady involve with many men?

This is not the first nor second time I see her, she often appears in my dream…

The way she appears, always with different men…

Who are those men?

And,

WHO IS SHE?

Once in that school

Today, the sky is clear but the weather is calm without so much sunshine…

Cinder accompanies her Mom to Central Market in Phnom Penh. She doesn’t want to park her motorbike but choose to ride around the city while waiting for her Mom’s call after her shopping.

Cinder rides her motorbike to this and there until she sees a public school. She rides into the school while the environment is strangely silent. No one is presence there but the view is superb with many big trees, blooming garden and gentle breeze. She explores the school until arriving a tall building that seems at the back of the school. Suddenly, the school become very active. Many students leave the class of that building, they go to get their bikes while some are walking and they’re all leaving the school at the back door that links to a ground road. Cinder follows them just want to see where that ground road lead to. It’s also a bit weird for being in the middle of the city but there is the ground road…

After Cider leaves the school’s back door, she is riding slowly and feel like that road takes her to the countryside… When she stops the motorbike and looks back, she cannot see the school’s back door again. She guesses she must leave so far from school. Though, she’s never been on this ground road at all. She decides to continue her riding further but just a glace of time, she cannot see any students anymore. Instead, she sees a house on that ground road which almost block the whole road. Only by walking, bikes or motorbike that can access this road now. She gets a bit scared of if she will lose her way… Luckily, in front of that house, she sees a man who is doing exercise and another man behind him, seems doing some chores.

Cinder asks him…

Cinder: Hello brother! ^^

Exercise man: Yeahhhh… Are you talking to me? O___o

(He looks surprised…)

Cinder: Yes! ^^

>>>The exercise man turns to the Doing chores man, “Hayy! Come here! She talks to me…”

>>>The chores man immediately come to stand next to him and look at Cinder together with doubtful eyes….

Cinder: May I ask about this road please? Where does this road lead us to?

>>>They look at each other….

Exercise man: ohhh… this road will bring you to Steung Treng province, do you know there? (he smiles friendly…)

Cinder: No! I don’t need to go there! How come! I’m in Phnom Penh just these less than half hour….

>>>Cinder looks worried….

Exercise man: No worry, you can go back to your place.

Cinder: How to go? I cannot find the door I pass through… I’m honestly scared to see something I should not see in this area….

Exercise man: You already see some! Wahahhahaah

>>>Both men look at each other and laughing again!

Cinder cannot get them and feels so clumsy…

Then, they seem come back to console Cinder…

Exercise man: You can just turn back and go until you see that door again. You go through that door, you will see a giant Warrior Sculpture that holding a sword. You look at the same direction as the sword point to, you will see another road. Go there, you will arrive the place you were at first.

Cinder with excitement: thank you, thank you very much for your direction. :’(

Then she turns back and go quickly. She remembers she doesn’t thank to the Chore man yet, but when she turns back to them again, the ground road is just there without them or their house.

Her heart starts beating fast, she cannot think of anything but rushes to go as quick as possible per the exercise man’s advice. She finally sees the school’s back door and by going through it, she does see the Warrior Sculpture that holding a sword and the road that lies by the sword points to… (which she really cannot recall her memory of seeing this giant sculpture back then). Everything the exercise man tells her are accurately correct and he does rescue her by sending her back.

 

Cinder is almost in tear with complicated emotions…

He is leaving...

 

Over 4 years that I entered Greenland Empire…

 

Yesterday, a shocking news hit me! My empire's king will be leaving!

He is leaving the Greenland Empire for another much bigger empire and his leaving will be the opportunity of his direct people to grow and contribute.

His leaving is the best choice for himself and his direct people, I accept that…

Just, what I cannot accept, is the news that he is leaving…

I’m just so sad to think of his announcement…

 

The fact that he almost sentenced me back then in the past because of misunderstanding, I thought my feeling already moved on…

Though, I guess, I just lie to myself,

After all the incidents, my love for him is still that deep,

A love to the king, not as a partner,

A love with high respect to the first leader who I feel so attached to…

I really feel unrealistic to hear that,

I do wish it was just a dream!

 

Time is ticking, on the last day of the year end will be the last day we see each other…

Or even earlier than that…

I wish him all the best of his new choice,

I wish we will cross path again in the future…

 

[[ Thank you so much for your loves and cares to everyone!

We do sense your warmth,

So does the fire you gave us…hahaha…

But the fire you gave us, is to shape who we are today,

Because we are the steel…

 

I will remember you for a very long time…]]

Unwillingly step into another world…

It was December last year, it happened from that point…

My hubby’s friends called him to join Count Down party at Siem Reap and we agreed. It was a fun trip of 6 families including mine and more than 10 children, 95% was boys! lol

We had a happy breakfast, coffee and lunch…

The Moms and children went visiting Angkor Wat excitedly with our tour guide’s history telling… Yes, my first time for being there with a tour guide! ^^ And the Dads waited us at the hotel…

After leaving the Angkor Wat tours, we went to the biggest Ferris Wheel in the city…

We had a chilled dinner, plenty of foods, the dinning space was next to the pool where the kids enjoyed to the max in the pool, got up and got foods… Yeah, there were wine, beers, coke and tea… You knew, I’m a tea’s fan! :D

Some people went to the night market at around 10pm while I and my boys went to our room, hehehe… I was tired…

Next day, the kids got up early, cycling around the hotel and pool time again…. Next, we arrived Kulen mountain, walking across the forest coz the road was so crowded… had a nice meal there with natural landscapes…

I did enjoy that trip until I knew they would pay for my family’s cost… I questioned HOW COME?

Then, I knew little by little… My family was the poorest among them…

97% of Them, wanted us to join, knowing our status… They treated us very friendly with their huge generosity…

I don’t need to mention that 3% of them right? Hehehe… Yet, I’m pleased to share! 3% of them, treated me differently, made me feel so small, I sensed the indirectly bully…

Well, I will focus on the bright side, the high percentage part…

They are the powerful and high-ranking officer, the managing director, the CEO, the wealthy businessman and they welcomed my family from when they made friends with my hubby…

I do feel grateful for their kind regardless of social rank or family’s status…

THOUGH, I don’t think I fit in this group…

And I will never draw illusion of my family’s image to fit them,

I will remain who I and my family are,

Never fake my identity or try to look rich even if later I may become rich… XD

And being fair is my moral, especially group trip…

Being where we feel common with, is my preferable…

I alerted my hubby, this must be the first and the last time we would be with them as family trip… I don’t mind him being friends with them, have café or such meal with them but just please don’t bring me and the kids with… I don’t feel belonging, I don’t feel right and I don’t feel real…

Whatever, thing really don’t go as I preferred…

Next event happened that I still needed to join with my hubby. I rejected, yet I still ended up being with them…

From one to another one, my presence was there in the group…

The unease feeling is still here in my heart…

But I do agree, I cherish those moments a lot…

New experiences I gain with no large expense… Being with another level of people I never deal with in the past, they know my family’s condition clearly and still accepted us into their crew… Their connection is such the big one, including his excellency people…

Honestly, I feel very weird, some of my heart is excited but most of my heart still cannot accept it… I feel unsafe, I cannot judge this new group yet whether they are sincere to my family or what is the reason behind?

Maybe, I’m seeing things…something is coming, something that is not a gift…

Or maybe I’m over thinking…

 

If they are sincere to this friendship, WHY? Tell me WHY?

Last but not least, I already stepped into this new world…

What if that Count Down Trip represented the rabbit hole and I with my family’s path will be “Alice in Wonderland”?

I know, I still go...

This happened…

 

First off, I didn’t know what future of my choice is but later, I found my choice will bring me a very bold risk… Last but not least, I still chose that choice…

 

I gave myself a hope of changes, since no one can guarantee the future…

Maybe the future I heard about, can be an illusion,

Maybe the future I didn’t expect, will be a great dimension,

That is why I stood firmly on my decision.

 

Sadly, last two days, I got notified, the future that I wish to be false, to be just an illusion, slowly become a real one…

What I found back then that can happen, now it is happening…

My choice put me in an empty space....

No access, no stress, no progress…

 

That is not unexpected event,

There is timeline I got mentioned,

The timeline of my end,

From what I decided last 2 months…

 

So, during the active moment, I will need to perform what I should perform, strive for the best even that the best will be ended by Dec 31, 2022.

 

I am wondering how come future can be this simplicity,

A future that can be predicted easily,

Can’t there be a change?

How come the worse often happen and but worth is that hard to happen?

 

It’s about my career, but feel like a love story…

A love that should not take place, yet, I still cannot leave but love that person voluntary…

Even I know that person may not be with me in the future,

He may not become my future…

 

I see the end of us,

Along the way with time is loading like a bombing,

We embrace each other and get memory saving…

An empty heart to know an end; with a love we passionately make it progressing…

 

I did think back then, with an act that can lead to a future I know in advance,

I will be ready, I will not be surprised nor disappointed,

I will be okay to start again if that future really happens,

But when I know this exactly is happening, I still could feel a deep pain, a heart with pins…

 

I guess that is coz I stall a big hope to see the different future,

but the estimated future occurs, that I just feel blank,

Keep asking, how come this can happen?

A bleeding hurtful heart inside, the dry eyes with no tears…

AND a smiley face to manipulate my existing!

Back and forth, I exactly don't regret my choice... But it still hurt me... WHY?

2022 First Post

That is just almost unbelievable to see I have never been here quite a long while, yes, a very long break!

 

Things still happened in a way to hurt me; though, I must be stronger to get self healing better and move on...

Never forget to see the bright side too, many good things also gifted me...

 

After all, I am still alive and enjoy life!

 

Love you my dear blog!