Charm is faded it seems

I read Chinese Zodiac and some related webs since last year for my this year fortune and all I could remember very well, this year brings me such the blossom charm, I would be very beautiful in all ways to other, especially the opposite gender. I just laughed and didn’t ignore…lol…

About last six months, I joined one new world, met new people but performed similar activities. I thought I would feel bored but I had to come in order to get out from my previous misery world.

Though, things went on very opposite to what I thought…

I got such the happiness and humor feeling most of time from doing my tasks and especially, from meeting new people who had beautiful heart and appearance. Moreover, most of them called me the beauty especially the opposite gender; the Chinese Zodiac did guess it well.

I was alike in fantasy world for about 5 months…

The six month arrived this lately and it is the month which is moving to year end soon…

The people who called me beauty, they may get used with my beauty or they may not see it as beauty anymore…

The opposite gender who called me beauty, got attracted coz of me, they have changed little by little until very much…

Some was trying to escape from me,

Some was ignoring my presence, I knew they saw me but the acted as no…

Some started arguing with me,

And the most unique one, the one who showed as he did have a lot good feeling to me, the one who said I had gorgeous beauty and sweet voice, that person turned into such the most unknown person… that person argued with me just severely and even cursed me in such so roughly words, “ugly fattie, ugly face, disgusting speaking…blah blah blah…”. I was very surprised to know but I still gave that person the chance to reject all what I knew… Whatever, I still cannot escape from accepting that he real meant it… I didn’t have any feeling for that person actually, just I like him as friends and I don’t want to ruin our good memory, things still don’t go as I want…

Everything has been ruined… The reasons may because they all knew as I’m married and the year is almost going to the end while then my charm is faded too, isn’t it??? lol… I’m alike Cinderella who has such a limited time to enjoy those moments… lol…

Even though, I still didn’t sadden from what has been changed, I was just a bit shocked…

I believe the right people would come and never leave me…

They are just the wrong ones…

If my wishes real come true…

I remember when I was single, I thought of marrying a poor guy since I wanted us to be strong together by fighting all obstacles together. I thought that marrying the poor guy would make us living roughly at most only 5 years and it would become the healthy roots to our richer life. We would value our love, our happiness and our treasures since we didn’t give up each other in that poverty time but joined hands and walked forward through the sunshine, the rain and the storm…

My wish came very true…

Actually, I didn’t marry the poor guy but the middle class one… However, all his wealth was faded shortly after marriage… I didn’t exactly believe it caused from my wish but I did feel so…lol… A wish which seemed a curse…

From a businessman who owned two businesses over ten years and was living in two rental flats that he could always support for over ten years too; he became a guy who had nothing after those businesses were collapsed…  He was back to work for government public sector as the officer and I was working even harder to support our family… Well, we did go through such the suffering sea of sadness, tears, disappointment, penniless, argument and the heavy obligations as the parents of two boys. We moved to live with my Mom and depended on her almost 40%. We were and still are the burden to my parents… We even discussed about divorcing very often… And it never worked out…lol

Finally, 5 years of marriage was over and our 6^th Wedding Anniversary would arrive this shortly of December 2017. I then start wondering if my wishes real came true since 5 years we were being just very out of expectation, had been over but we are now still not yet better… More than anything, we are even poorer… lol… I ever thought of buying car and drove to work but then I stayed calm and tried to erase this thought from my sadden head & heart. At the moment, I replaced by thinking of buying one auto motorbike (Click Brand)… Back and forth, I still cannot afford it until now… and this is already 6 months after thinking of it…. Thus, I also planned for abroad trip while I tried so hard to get my wings done (passport). It has been 3 months already after my wings were created, yet I still cannot have enough budgets to fly to my desired place… I feel just so miserable… I wanna go to Korea first and then, the land of nature in Europe (Switzerland, New Zearland, etc.), the place I always dreamt of and kinda the dreams I so adore…

Nothing else but God please; kindly doesn’t turn my wish into a curse!

I already experienced the wish which came true of being 5 years fighting from the bottom…

So now, 5 years had been over… Please!!!! Please grant the next one…

“Wealthy, Healthy, Beauty, and Love for me and my family, my all people.”

Last but not least, at this moment, I’m just too poor, easily being sick, I’m so fat and I feel less love…. Lol… The fact!

Second unplanned trip

It was a nice day, the sky was so kind by sharing its gentle cold temperature with very less sunshine, I did love it. I, my honey and our both boys went for breakfast… Yeah, we were quite comfortable with this weather, so we all suggested for a trip to Oudong Mountain…

We prepared this and that but not very much, though we still left home a bit late, at 10am. Around 20 mins after our departure, the sun started shining and shared its heat just very much… I got cheated by the sun… hmmm… We still continued our trip… We arrived the place at 11.30am, we drove around the mountain and enjoyed the view of green forest… We had lunch at a nearby restaurant first and at around 1.15pm, we went up through hundreds stars to the top of mountain… it was quite hot and we were very tired but we dared to make it happen and we did… There were a lot of fun along the way to the top and it was quite the beautiful scenery from the top of mountain to the bottom… We saw colorful roof of villagers’homes, the pagodas, palm trees and rice fields, lakes, streams, ponds and many more trees… We were quite glad that we didn’t give up climbing to this high place... (We did thought of it several times anyway..lol) and we were compensated by this beauty of nature… Love it!

In short, we just went up and spent around 15mins on the top and went down… hehehe… Finally, we left there at around 3pm while we didn’t head back home but visited another place, called Banteay Longveak in ancient era… It is now the pagoda where fulfilled with many histories. We parked near a greeny pond and relaxed… Well we had no more energy to discover this place… Around 40 mins later, we were back home and my hubby suggested for a new street, so we followed (coz he was the driver too, we cannot deny lol). Without knowing this street was under construction, we went through such a terrible travelling…. I felt like riding on the boat, I felt dizzy and it was still hot, I sweated as f***! The street distance was only around 30km but we spent almost 1 hour and a half to go over it… it was very inconvenient and I did complain just that much to my hubby and all he could reply, it was his chuckling… awwww……

The trip ended and we arrived home at around 7.30pm, it was such so exhausting day, yet a nice memory as well!

Unplanned Trip

It was an unplanned trip for me and my family to the mountain nearby our city of Phnom Penh.

First, we went to visit my sister’s house until it was 3pm, all family’s members were willing to go visiting Baseth Mountain and nothing had been prepared, even our clothes and make-up…. On the way to the mountain, the street wasn’t in good condition, it was very rough. I did feel scary to be on this street coz the street was in the middle of the water, both left and right side were water and I thought it should be the river…huge river…

In addition, we never visited there for over 10 years that we were asking people along the street in order to find the place. However, one hour and a half later, we reached the mountain. It was a scary moment again, the road going up to the mountain was very sloped… The right side was the mountain and the left side had nothing but forest and that high as cliff… We did risk our lives every second… Finally, we still made it…hehehe… It was so windy on the top of mountain at this late of hour, 5pm and it was so silent, a few visitors only who real looked alike gangsters… hehehe… we even thought we could be robbed too… lol… we scared many things but we still went there and enjoyed our trip.

We went to pray there and we visited another place, called Phnom Reap. We didn’t go inside, we just took photos to proof our moments… lol… coz it was so late, we had to head back home…

Baseth mountain trip is called “Scaring VS Adventure”…

I wonder my old me…

I am now at the state of wondering my old me of last several years… I called my old me last several years as “She or Her”.

Well, I really don’t understand her at all. I don’t know what she thought so far in the past. She always let opportunity go away from her and even some opportunities were trying to catch her, she still pushed them away, ran from them, escaped them or ignored them. Her circles aren’t like her. Her circles, her friends all become higher with management level and business owners. Because of her, I become this low and all I’m having, the low class, low paid and high responsibilities of my life. Because of her, I am striving so hard to live in this world.

Uhmmm,  I feel so disappointed to my old me….

I have no ideas why I did that in the past…

Why I ran from those opportunities…

And until right now, I want them so much but none of them still come to me…

I just feel sympathetic to myself…

I don’t think I deserve this kinda life…

I feel resentful to my old me…

I feel regret…

And I hate her, my old me even more…

I really lack of many things I should be given,

Many bitches who suffered me just almost became breathless, yet they are having such better time than me…
I see no Karma nor sin they are receiving yet...

Why the heck does this happen on me???

I’m sad… I’m so disappointed… I got treated very unfairly…