In Labor

Ahhhh…..awwww……help!!!! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!

I shouted so much with quite much pain… I was on the hospital bed and was pushing into the Delivery Room and my husband was waiting outside with a lot of worries…. About an hour passed, my baby was born and all nurses were damn surprised with a lot admiration… “Your baby was so lovely and cute!!!”

------ 3 months later-------

The baby is walking beside me… The male baby with brown color! He talks a lot and smiles a lot…. He’s charming and super cute! No one could bear not to look at him with loving eyes… BUT, I’m the one who is so nervous to walk along with him…. I dislike so much that he keeps talking so… he is so annoying to me… I even blame him, yell at him…

“By the way, what kind of baby who could talk and walk with this age… Lol”

We are in the luxury; big and high building… we are walking to see his dad in his office…

I don’t walk beside him but is leading the way and he is walking behind me…

Me: hayyyy… don’t talk! Oh god! Can’t you hear me??? Don’t talk more! Silentttttt!!!! ~with roughly words and turn to see him~

Him: A little bit smirk face but then cute smile again to me and stop talking….

BuT….Fu*kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk!!!! What the heck is it!!!! Aiiii, kill me!!!! ~I’m totally panic~

My baby is walking elegantly with his two legs….

Me: Stop!!! Stop right now before I can be even worse than this!!!!!

Him: With his confusing face, he may not know what is going wrong….

Me: Are you deaf???? Aiiii…. I should not take you here!!!! Stop walking with those two legs, ok??? Let’s walk with your own four legs right now!!! Why do you act this humanly??? Oh my god!!! Please walk totally with your all legs and be as the real puppy!!! Ok????? ~I’m damn furious~

-------He looked a lot sad but still listens to me and follows my words-------

Yeah yeah, my baby that was born last 3 months was a puppy! =___=’ And I almost cannot believe it… Oh God! I had no affair with any dog… Seriously!!!! Why the shit could this happen????

Anyway, I come to see my hubby today in his office because I cannot stay at ease….

Now, at his working desk…

Me: Honey! Let’s divorce!

Him: Okay.

Me: ~Answer this fast??~ Okay… Go now…

Him: Let’s make it after my work….

Me: No… I can’t wait! You take this baby! ~cutie puppy~

Him: And why do you want to divorce?

Me: I can’t stand hearing any rumor about us anymore… oh god! This puppy real make my life messy…

Him: I also cannot stand with your fussy attitude… you are so much… you don’t really respect me…blah…blah…blah… -__-??

Me: Good, divorce then!!
And he is back to his hesitated state… Not continuing his speech… His act shows as he doesn’t want to divorce at all…

Simultaneously, little kawaii puppy looks at me with his warm sadly eyes… “Mommy…No….”

I look back at him… He looks so pity… I also aware that he loves me so much no matter how heartless I am to him… Be honest, I do love him too but I cannot reveal it… I feel shameful to born a puppy… Though, no matter this, he is still my son and I secretly love him… I cannot show in action nor words… but my inner love him as much as my other sons, I love him and sympathize him so much… He’s deserved a better mom than me… =((

My poor baby puppy!!! :’{

My heart is torn into pieces whenever I treat him inconveniently without love it looks like…

I know this all would extremely hurt him, at the same time; it hurts me as hell too…

I know I should not take him for granted my cutie baby…

I should just love you as the way I real love you…. I’m sorry! :’\

Why Intelligent People Can’t find Happiness - 6 Reasons!

“Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know.”-Ernest Hemimgway

The presence of a faithful and loving partner, a great family life and a successful career may not be enough to prevent an intelligent soul to feel grief and melancholy.

Here are six most likely reasons why happiness seems to elude highly intelligent people:

1.      They are the victim of over analysis

Many people with high level of intelligence lean towards over-thinking and keep analyzing everything that occurs in their life, their surroundings and beyond. Too much thinking can be exhausting at times, especially when your thoughts lead you to conclusions which vex and frustrate you. They weigh you down, but you can’t help but think and think, no matter how draining the experience is.

Their ability to analyze things is great. But, it is also true that we don’t need to pay attention to everything, and crowd our minds with unsavory thoughts. ‘Ignorance is bliss,’ this saying holds good for people like you who can see right through anybody and identify their true motives. Undoubtedly, the world seems a disappointing place occupied by wrong people. Not to mention the feelings that affect you upon the reflection on philosophical problems, global affairs and the eternal questions of life that have no answers. If you learn to ignore, you can feel lighthearted, cheerful and happy.

2.      They want to match everything with their high standards

People with high IQ are always sure of what they want and anything less than their expectations fail to satisfy them, and this makes it more difficult for them to be happy. This stands true for everything, whether it is career, relationships or anything else that matters in life.

It’s a fact of life that we never get all what we want. But, this practical knowledge is not present in those who have brilliant theoretical minds. They have little practical intelligence and maintain idealistic views of the world that really doesn’t help them in coping with the ways of the world. So, when they find the reality is contrary to their expectations, they feel greatly disappointed.

3.      Intelligent people judge themselves too hard

One of the reasons of unhappiness also crops from their tendency to be extremely hard on themselves. It is not only about their successes and failures, but everything that is about them. Their deep thinking nature minutely analyses their behavior and actions and compares them against highest standards. Even though it is done unintentionally, this tendency offers them enough reason to blame themselves for no reason.

An act committed years ago can suddenly haunt their mind and remind them how they had failed to do things rightly. This disturbs their mind and messes up their mood. After that, they can hardly spend the day cheerfully or manage a relaxing sleep at night. These types of flashbacks into past mistakes are frequent in intelligent people. Guilt and discontent fill their mind. These negative emotions are enough to erase happiness from one’s life.

4.      They aim for bigger things

They cannot be satisfied with what they have in life because their high IQ gives them the power to imagine bigger things. They are always looking for a bigger purpose, a meaning and a pattern. Some of them are driven too far away by their intense imagination, making it impossible for them to enjoy the good things they have in their life. Ordinary life is too boring for them and that is why they search for exceptionalism, which of course doesn’t exist in reality.

Do you think this planet is not your real abode or you should live in a different era? It is nothing new about intelligent, deep thinking individuals. With such thoughts swarming your mind, you can hardly hope to be happy when you cannot accept the world and even the time you are living in.

5.      No one to appreciate them or have a meaningful conversation

We all yearn to be truly understood, but intelligent people can hardly find someone who can understand them. When we have understanding people around us, half of the stress in our lives ceases to exist. There is nothing more comforting than having a meaningful conversation with a like-minded person who understands your views and ideas on everything spanning from personal life, philosophy, to global affairs and other complex questions. Most intelligent people feel misunderstood and lonely, as usually no one appreciates the depth with which they can see and analyze things.

Science has proved that smart people don’t need to socialize as much as the people with average IQ, to be happy. Nevertheless, smart people feel the need to meet people, interact and have an enjoyable conversation. They are more interested in talking about meaningful and fascinating things rather than talk on subjects like food, weather or weekend plans. The truth is, it is difficult to come by a person who can indulge in a deep conversation. This is the result of the materialist and consumerist society we live in.

6.      Smart people often develop psychological issues.

Many studies have found a connection between highly intelligent minds and psychiatric disorders like bipolar disorders and social anxiety. Is it possible that these disorders are side effect of a brilliant mind? We cannot confirm this, as there are so many hidden mysteries of human mind and science, yet to be revealed.

It is not that all intelligent people suffer from severe mental disorders. But even the ones who don’t, are susceptible to existential depression which usually results from over-thinking. If you keep on thinking and analyzing everything deeply, there comes a time when you start thinking about life and death. Your mind begins to search for the meaning of your existence and that is when you begin to re-evaluate your own life. This saddens you, but for no apparent reason.

Reference: http://themindsjournal.com/intelligence-happiness/

These few years of December

December is the month of excitement since I was kid, I love Christmas moment lol

December is also the month of love, I got married on December and my beloved man was born on December too…

However, December is also the month I got quite suffering these few years…

It was December in 2012 or 2013, I was quite sick with server flu and cough… I cannot go to work many days, I cannot speak at all; I was alike a mermaid who sacrificed the voice to the witch…hehehe…

- Offer the voice, the mermaid gets the legs and go to find her love…

- Offer the voice, I got nothing but ehh... weight loss unexpectedly… not bad! =))

Then, on December 2014, I got pregnant around 3 months with my second baby boy… Oh well, things weren’t going on nicely with my health again. I got a bad bladder inflammation! Because I was pregnant, I tended not to take any medicine nor going to consult with doctor; I was scared if it would affect my baby… And because I was so, I made it become worse. I can barely walk or even lifted my feet. I needed other people to accompany my walk just because I cannot make it by myself. I got bleeding urine and I thought I would not get over it, I would die... Though, I was better and better after I met with the doctor and agreed to take medicine… And I could survive and right here, writing this memory…lol

On early month of December 2015, it was about hospitalize one more time…. My second baby got a strange illness, it didn’t hurt him at all but it affected his beauty. It was kinda illness that once was alike a red mole on his right ear but it became bigger and bigger time to time. I took him to consult with the doctor and finally he was decided to get hospitalize in order to test the medicine. A few days at first were going fine and we were assumed to leave hospital the next day. Things changed disgustingly lol… I've hated it till now… The last night before the next day we planned to leave, my baby’s circumstance changed by high temperature, more than 30 times diarrhea a day and we were required to stay at least 1 more week. Oh well, I cannot stand with day and night at hospital anymore so after three days, I asked the doctor to leave. He didn’t agree but I insisted until he agreed. I was very happy as a fish that can manage to escape into the river...

Nahhh, only one day passed at home and it was around 11 o’clock at night, my boy got back high fever and too badly diarrhea, I was just quite worried, heart beat very fast… I sent him back to hospital at that same night but we were not accepted immediately, I needed to wait until in the morning of working hour (Kuntheakbopha hospital). My baby boy condition started to be worse and worse until he was no conscious and I was shocked with scared as hell, I was crying so much. The people around me looked at me with sympathy and finally, I could meet the doctor before when I was deserved coz they were afraid if my kid was so serious but lol, he was just exhausted from too much diarrhea. Finally, I was staying to accompany my boy in that hospital more than 10 days. I tried so hard to be flexible with the environment there….

- Using hospital bathroom, toilet,

- Having street food most of time,

- Sleeping in the same room with more than 50 people,

- No TV, Phone were not allowed,

- Seeing how real poor people were, seeing other kids suffering, hearing the kids’ dead!

- Catching fever but still needed to be there since my hubby was so sick at the same time too,

- Going through Christmas time with nothing at all… And even Year End… “I was crying… self-pity! Lol”

How is about December this year, 2016?

Hehehe…. I was sick since November and until today, not yet fully recover. I keep coughing, sore throat, catching cold and fever most of days… I’m that weak lately. So do my both little boys, they are sick just since before me and not yet fully be well… We all are not serious but very annoying and spending money nonstop… This duration, I also need to spend a lot for my whole family preparation (buy this & that) to join my sister’s wedding and for her wedding’s gift too…

It is mid-December now, Christmas and New Year are about to arrive, I wish for myself and my family all the best; hopefully we won’t suffer anything more!

So shameful...

Tomorrow is her big day, my sister's wedding day.... So today, we invite the monks to bless the new couple in the evening which we always call "Thngai Sot Mun".

Everything is going quite well except me, I'm lacking so many things lol but I calm those feelings and  still keep smiling. I'm with what I can afford... I'm with my normal white shirt and traditional long skirt with only ring but no other else jewelry... But I still feel proud coz at least I have that ring... Proud to be not so poor hehehehe

However, things change when my hubby arrives....

He stares at how I dress....

He looks very nervous and yells at me..."Go!! Go to change your clothes..."

People's who are near him, they look at him and then look at me.... They smile....

But I'm just so shameful... I feel so shy!!!

I run to hide myself in my bedroom....and cry!

I'm trying to be strong but he reveals my real inner...

He seems try to make me know how low I look like....And I do know but I'm good at pretending...

He unintentionally touchs my deepest wound that I hide quite long time...

I don't mean to look that poor but I do all for this family, I don't think of myself even I am hurt along with... Yet, he doesn't care my this little fame and ruins my last strength...

If he has some little care about me and love me as how he loves himself or his kids, he should come and whisper to me silently of how he thinks about me.... I don't mind of his criticism coz we are family but he should make it properly....

If he real loves me, he should not yell at me of how I look; instead, he should feel proud of how I sacrifice for this family and feel sympathetic to his wife.... He should be so... he should not be that.... =((

I’m Lost

I don’t know how I could be working the work I am working?

Things I never think it can happen; it happened…

Work I have no more passion about; I still need to pretend…

I want to leave but I cannot leave…

Once I choose my own happiness, they suffer,

Or if I make them in better condition, I suffer!

I have thoughtless why I am doing what I am doing?

I know I am doing to be the sake of their happiness,

I thought I would be happy to see them happy,

But then, I am suffering as hell,

Coz I cannot get out from self-complaining,

Things are un-forbidden in hurting me…

I really cannot figure out why I am here?

All those bitchy people are around me,

They are on stage, team up and look down at me,

I’m the subject for their bullying…

They offend my life, my story, my speech and my everything…

They in the dark do so to me and act innocently in front of everybody!

All in all, I know who they exactly are but in order to gain peace, I choose silent and pretend to be okay even I am in deep pain, I am just so heartbreaking…

I feel I am drifting in somewhere so misery and no way is found… Yeah, I’m lost….