RellaDeQueen: We will always be the one we commit to be!

It has been long enough that you and she never meet; how have you been doing? Is it so much if she requests you to visit her sometime often then? She does miss the time she spent together with you… She misses the time you protected her; She misses the time you were so cared of her; So did the time you rescued her; She misses the time you were so mad at her just coz she was so stupid; She misses the way you reacted to her once she was so stubborn; Uhmmm, she does miss the time you smiled at her and; She missed all types of expressions from your unbearable charming face; She misses the way you were so fond of her… She missed the moment you cooked for her… The moment you got jealous of her, The moment you hold her hand; The moment you and she were walking on the flowery and greenly field; She misses once you and she were sightseeing in the garden of night time; She misses the view of moonlight and starry night; She misses the way you embraced her tight; ...

My grandma tells me that I must come to a grave field on Wednesday, 1 st March 2017 at 10:27AM. I must presence myself there… I keep feeling so frightening about her date place and her purpose…. However, I still come to work as normal before that day arrives… At my office, my chair has issue with its spare parts and it keeps falling down automatically little by little until I cannot work more but get up and adjust it. Though, it still repeatedly go down and I cannot stand more… I go to meet Admin Dept and request to change but there is no model of my current chair which we can move during sitting… Well, I don’t think it is matter anymore so I still continue to request for the new one no matter what model it is. Finally, I get the chair-replacement with the new one that is deserved for management level… lol and I can get it since Admin Dept has no more stock for normal staff’s chair….hehehe… The new chair isn’t so fun to me as my previous chair that can be moving ar...

It is Saturday today and I feel so empty…. Uhmm, I always try to encourage myself for going on my life even it is quite tough that I many times wanted to give up. I met a lot of evil people, unexpected bad situations they put me down and backstabbed me… I continued to fail one time, two times, three times and many more times now… How much more would I keep failing? I have family but mostly he won’t give me what I prefer to get, he made me disappointed and often does it… He takes me for granted but says that I am the one who take him for granted… He doesn’t understand himself of what he is doing to me…. I feel just so blank to him very often… I used to be hurted much just coz of these kinda acts of him until I feel a bit get used to… I keep wondering how long he would be so… He will never understand even I already tried to explain him… He treats me just worse than outsiders sometime… I never want to break my family but he keeps pushing me… I still cannot rescue myself...

On the way back from province at around 7pm, he told me he forgot it was my birthday but I didn't angry at all. Instead, I just smiled coz it was not the first time too that this type of moment happened...Forget my birthday... The next day, I told him I wanted dinner outside; let's have BBQ in nearby small restaurant should be enough and he just looked at me and turned back to his phone; continued to laughed and voice message with his buddies.... Second day, third day, forth day...I kept insisting for the same thing of dinner and he kept responding the same as well, ignored me and continued his voice message!!! Until today is the fifth day, I feel so mad and I mess with him... He stares at me, no response and back to group chat-voice message of his friends... I do angry and mess with him more until he is getting mad and shouts at me if what I want... I repeat, Dinner!!!!! He asks so what I want to eat??? Oh well!!! I did tell him these several days that I wanted BBQ; he...

Those people who keep bad-mouthing about me, I can say most of their words are untrue; they color me in the bitchy image and ruin my reputation. Well, some less of their words are real just because they ever closed with me so they could see my weakness and they use it to fight me. No one is perfect and I do have flaws even it is not much but there are too. They talk about my past faults; they talk about my negativity simultaneously with their fierce talent of turning my normal story into unacceptably story… Yeah, they real spread and keep spreading about me in a very unhealthy way. They claim as they are the good people, they make many other people to hate me; they say I am worse…. In fact, I never treat them as enemies but they treat me as anti-warrior; I never say badly about them but they secretly stab me perfectly and in front are very normal to me; Yeah, they hate me damn much but even now I know this, I still don’t hate them as much as they are to me… I don’t claim I...