Blooming flowers through concrete

Thursday, August 29, 2019 
(In Cambodia, my country)

Things are more stable in my life recently, no much pain but a calm happiness.

I ever wished for this type of moment in the past and without self-notice, I real get it. Things are flowing the way I want…

I get the job I wished for, the job which gains me no much pressure and very reasonable paid.

I finally could work with senior leaders who are quite impressive with their responsibility, maturity and high capacity!

I meet many good and kind colleagues right now who cares people around them…

I could fall in love most of days with the same guy, my husband! We give each other more respects, understanding and forgiveness. Our love is nicely healthy.

I don’t reach a rich status in society yet but that is not bad to have my current wealth, a balancing income and expense.

I could raise my boys into the happy mood kids, they smile and laugh, they are happy most of days. Yeah, they are sick often and they recover quicker. Uhmmm, they are NOT smart at all in studying but I could see they are trying and keep trying. They fall and fall again but they get up and never give up. I love this spirit!

I could give away my expectation on my family and siblings. I could get rest even they don’t pay attention on me or sharing their loves to me the amount I need because I feed myself more positivity and call myself to leave too emotional stage. I decided to give them the same loves I always have for them with none expectation of their reflection. It is quite hard to do, yet I am continually improving.

I; most of all, won’t question why things are unfair… My maturity is a bit growing… hehehe… I accept the truth of this world, nothing is fair in this human era…

I believe I could gain this much are both from my hardworking to make it happen and so does the luck I receive. Well done Rella! Hence, I do appreciate the Deity who gains most of my wishes. Thank you for these experiences.

Keep going on! Keep doing better!

If bad things take place again, keep fighting!

"Blooming flowers through concrete"

Get tired of people lately…

+ Some people: I could see how tough they are doing and I give my hand… I help them, I want them to be releasing. They don’t seem always in this situation so I trust a bit more, they will be better from my help…

-> Result: They now turn to be in healthy situation and they indirectly deny to get back those tasks… That naturally becomes mine… No matter how stuck I am, how f***ing busy I am, I don’t find help back from those people… They won’t take it back… I cannot complain coz it was myself, the one who volunteered!

+ Some people: They help me a lot, I do appreciate their acts and I do try to pay them back their kindness… Nevertheless, they seem never feel I already tried to pay them… They don’t seem notice what I have done but they focus on what I’ve no ability to do…

They don’t feel; they don’t see my efforts to satisfy them. I try to explain and show them and they are like I don’t do enough… That seems never be enough to compare to their help on me… Their expectation on me is too high that I may never hit… My heart is so broken and they say they are the one who suffers coz of me…

-> Result: We both parties are dying inside… We are sick of each other…

I never thought this could happen…If I could move time back to the moment they request to give me help, I would exactly REJECT it…

+ Some people: I embrace my loves for them… I love them deeply and I give priority to them first over myself… Yet, they always forget me… and they don’t see if that would upset me… They just confess they real forget and so what?

->Result: I’m just a sculpture to them… Why should they care? :’(

+ Some people: We disconnect long time… And when I am right now a little bit in better life’s condition, they are back… They remind us of their good deeds in the past and they ask if what we want to compensate them…

-> Result: I am trying to pay them as much as I could even actually, I am not that rich as they think… Too heavy debt I am having right now but they don’t care… They just need a return from me coz they believe I am rich… Cool! :)

+ Some people: I trust them… I show them my all including my weakness… A long period enough, I just find out… They use my weakness to mock me… They laugh at me… They put me down and I am not sure if that is intentionally or what… They spread my stories… A secret is no longer a secret… Even someone who shouldn’t be called just a friend to me, also aware of my stories…

-> Result: What a pity soul I am having right now…

I’m not a perfect human, yet I stand and do try my best! However, I lately feel so tired of people around me… They never get enough or appreciate for what I have done for them… I’m just an item to them… They don’t need affection or such things… Their actions make me more and more believe that they just wanna earn advantages from me… The moment I thought they helped me, that is now more like they just take risk in business investment…