January
2020 is going on very exciting to my life and so does frightening…also
surprising…
I
went to Mondolkiri province with my family for my first time… So cold and
beautiful there…
I
went to Kep province with my colleagues, we worked hard and we played to the
max…
I
spent Chinese New Year with my in-law family in Kampong Cham province, I’m
always the princess to my in-law family, love them!
Though,
I got damn scared with the new virus which gives such danger alert to the world…
“Novel Coronavirus Wuhan”!!! I’m afraid my family would be infected… I’m pity
the lives that lost and their family… So frightening!
Last
but not least, I got surprising gifts for my birthday, the pink cutie bear and
a beautiful bouquet with my favorite flowers… #1 Sunflowers, #2 Lily, #3 Roses…
I frankly was quite surprised since I didn’t think they would gift me (they
celebrated for me already on our trip to Kep province…).
It
meantime also was a sad day to me… Repeated occurring… While other did the
celebration for me, no one in my family notice and none of them remembered my
birthday… They also forgot me last year and before last year, also before last
two years and so on, I still found it hard to believe it could happen on me… In
my family, all members remembered each other special days but they often forgot
only me… What is worse, I never forget
their days… I cannot hide my disappointment from my Mom’s notice… She asked me and
I told her all… She was surprised and asked me why I didn’t mention... Did she
mean like I tried to not say it out, lets it get over and complaint? Actually,
I did want to tell them but my words were stuck… I seemed like if I spoke it
out, I would encourage ma tears to come along with… Back and forth, it is not
the first time too… Mom said sorry to me, she told me she believed I am quite
strong to go on by myself but not my siblings … Well, I’m not that strong… I
still need attention, loves and cares from my family… I don’t want celebration
or gift but their acknowledgement and their loves… I also want to feel special
as their family members…
Last
night, I could not sleep tight… It was hard to stop the tears… I felt so empty…
I was dramatically broken… The Sun seems give me strength… New day starts, I
get better in no time… I could get over… I feel better… I persuaded myself to
go back to my theory, “Family is family no matter what!” I would give them the unchanged
loves and try my best to stop expecting their reactions (I said so last year
too, it must be hard to stop expecting but I must do it) … Love myself more and
more, comfort myself! And keep remembering my face while crying, that was so
ugly… I should not do it again, especially on 29 January!
Only
one month of this 2020, things has happened spectacularly…
Sympathize
my lonely soul…
