It's still hurt...

That is not so painful as I experienced before, but that is still hurtful...
I told myself, I have to protect this relationship for the good sake but the longer I hold the pain, the deeper I'm falling down...

I decided to tell him how I feel so far...

I decided to tell him everything I don't feel good with from now on...

I decided to lets things be the way it is flowing...

Because I decided to free my soul...

I ever told myself to lower my expectation,

Later, I told myself to zero my expectation,

But now, I have no idea of what should I tell myself next...

I do feel lost sometime, not because of anyone but because of myself...

I should not blame anyone but it should be me to be blamed for cannot give enough care for myself... After all, I still did it... to put a blame on him...

He is kind to me…

I believe people see him as not a potential one to them… I heard a lot about him…

I heard…

He is bias…

He is abusing his power…

He is attacking who don’t support him…

He is not transparent…

He is building dark empire…

He is super smart in an unwanted way…

BUT

He treats me quite well…

He is kind to me…

He cares about me…

He gives me growth opportunities…

He is worried of my safety…

 

He is a good person to my experience!

I cannot agree with other while they cannot agree with me too…

After all, we experience differently, I won’t mind them thinking anything about him and they have to not mind me thinking positively about him too…

 

In an unreal world…

I see he is sitting near a rubbish bin…

I see he is so happy to see me and he bows 3 times to me as he knows I appreciate all the good deeds he does to me. He feels so touching… I meantime bow 3 times back to him too, as my respect to him…

He seems really feel attached to me and he comes closer to me and hugs me tight but a hug as family, not harassment…

 

In the real world…

Is he suffering now? I wonder…

Is his fame smell awful now? I’m scared…

 

However, Karma is real… We cannot avoid or compensate the bad deeds with the good ones…

If he really did something unhealthy to someone, he will need to pay it.

And he will be rewarded for his good deeds as well.

 

I wish him all the best and circle by many good and positive people!

Remember me...

"Remember me..." is a song that I like a lot which is from a Disney animation called, "Coco", a 2017 film.

I feel deep love in the song, a love of the Dad to his daughter. That is a sad moment that make me cry for knowing how they are apart with such a misunderstanding, sharpen painful experience...

Then, i remember the time I chose to join a team where I heard many rumors about them, a negative one! I finally didn't regret to go there but instead, felt appreciated to be with them... After all, everything turns to be very stable for my life while my choice at that time brought me to know good people, to learn from them and I did let them know how I feel toward them...

I'm an emotional old lady... hehehe... 

To those people; in short, please REMEMBER ME...!

The first time taste of my birthday

The first time taste of my birthday, I don't refer to my first time to celebrate but the first time that my Mom remembers my birthday and she is the first one who wishes me of the day. I just get up and go down stair, she sees me and says, "Happy Birthday my daughter! May you have the most happiness." ❤️

I really feel weird and I guess I am still not fully awake... hahaha... BUT that is real!

My man, as usual, he doesn't remember at all until the late afternoon that he comes and says, "Happy Birthday my dear!" and he confesses, "I forget..."

I'm totally feeling numb with that, I don't angry him but I just tease him by saying..."No need, until you forget, you forget! hahahah.... 

Then, the late evening, we have soup together at Little Sheep Hotpot Restaurant. I get a feeling he will bring me cake there... I feel it but I tell myself, "Stupid! Do you ever get one from him?" hehehe... My sense says that, I will get one but my brain reminds about the experience! They both make sense.

Almost our dinner ends, the birthday song starts...

My sense says it again..."See????"

My brain debates..."See? The table over there? People stands up, that must be their event..."

My sense says... "Nooooo, it's ours!"

Finally, we can see if the sense or brain get it right....

Behind me, my big boy hands the cake to me while my small boy and my man tag along... 

My sense is excited to see how she wins and I personally, do feel surprised! 

The biggest party I ever get so far... My man's friends of over 10 people join celebration and with their kids that make it totally almost 30 people! That is clear that they are here for hotpot but that is real that they are unintentionally become the part of my birthday celebration, their presences mean a lot to me...

Blowing candles session... before that, I whisper my wish..."May everyone here meet only the happiness!" and I'm so grateful for them to be here! 

Oh, I miss to check my phone too... 

My Dad messages to wish me my birthday with wishes... ❤️

My sister and my brother too who message to wish me... ❤️

A birthday that was mostly forgotten, it is so bright this year... I'm so emotional...honestly!

I don't expect all of these to happen again..

Once is enough, once is a taste, once is a great memory...

And this is my FIRST CAKE I get from my man after we are together for over 11 years! ❤️