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I’ve been through a path I chose myself, my professional journey. I believed I would deliver the best result and met my stakeholder’s expectation. Things won’t go as planned within the last 13 months in this journey. Though, I was very happy for myself who was absolutely brave to take the challenges and provided the best of my best. The journey was filled with thorn, the poisonous sharp thorn which put me down both physical and emotional health… I fell sick months, checked up full body and found nothing… I finally was diagnosed as insomnia. I was cured and decided to open a new page, start the new career from this July 01, 2024.

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I don’t know if I can do it, I have no experience at all with this new career… i just wish myself all the best and lets try first… If I cannot do this, I will need to explore another new opportunity…

This gets me worried, I think quite a lot on this…

In my dreams, several dreams…but I remembered few only…

* The first dream I remembered…

I was in the elevator and was meant to go down stair from 25 floors… Because I was so talkative, the elevator reached ground floor per my goal, I didn’t happen to leave the elevator and it just brought me back to 25 floor… I was like, wowwww… I can even missed the floor…haha… so I just told myself, I will go again…but I waked up…  

I got lost in the building but things didn’t turn so serious… I still enjoyed the ride… hahaha…

**The second dream…

I was leaving my workplace and went home… I almost reached home but saw a teenager boy whom his motorbike got crushed by the truck…

I was so shocked which I jumped from my motorbike and tried to drag him out of the truck… he got injured and there were blood on my hands too… I was quite panic…

I asked him to call his family…

His Mom picked up and talked in such a no care speech, just handed the phone to his
Daddy…

His Dad answered immediately and asked me to wait as he was trying to reach the location we were at…

I was there with him and also with some other kids… waiting for him while this made me gonna be home late, quite late for sure… then I waked up…

 

All in all, my mind, my dreams and all about myself, are all confusing…

I do wish my new page is going to be very smooth, I do hope for this…

BUT I HAVE NO IDEAS OF HOW TO DO DIFFERENTLY IN THIS NEW PAGE YET… POOR ME!

Hay Blog! I come back to you with broken heart again...

My dear speakup zone, my dear blog, I came here with a broken heart again... and so does the broken soul...

 

I cross path with a very great looking man,

He treats everyone generously,

His smile, his confidence…

He is the definition of angel… good looking, kind and righteous…

 

And I believed he gonna be a great person to deal with...

Time goes by...

That gentle guy and a great one to everyone, became the fierce one to me...

An angel to other, a devil to me…

He grows negative perception on me and this negative perception quickly goes stronger and stronger...

 

I've tired to clear this perception...

Though, it seems already attached to his bone and soul...

His hatred to me is just wow...

That stuck feeling in my chest is incredibly indescribable...

He has no appreciation toward my efforts... But just hatred!

Everyone can read him easily... 

He seems want to showoff his unpleasant behavior around me...

 

I know, without smoke, there is no fire...

Things happened for reasons...

I believe I may cause something to make him grow perception...

Though, that negativity is quite deep...

He feedbacked me harshly...

I did feel I was being mentally bullied...

Yet, I cannot drop my on going project with him, this is my responsibility...

So, I work double times harder... days and nights...

I wish my hard work will pay off and we will bring back the healthy engagement...

Yet, he just smirked and be like... “What is to appreciate while I just do my job??!!”

Nothing is fixed...

His words, his actions and his intension are all about removing me from his project's life...

 

I know, this is no longer in my control. I asked for help from my all good people... Though, we still cannot revert and fix this relationship... 

 

 

I do love this project work, this is my dream, my goal... Yet, he closed the door... He blocked me to touch all of my beloved work since this is under his power, his empire...

 

No matter how I tried, it seems like no improvement in our engagement… If I dare to speak a word, he will use that words to put me down… But if other speak that word, nothing will happen… really has nothing happen to other… He said I have no emotional intelligence… How come? He indirectly said I’m stupid…

He made me feel very small… And he enjoys stepping on me… He kicked me out of his empire and he even makes sure, I will not be able to touch any of his projects…

He is very unkind toward me…

 

I really need to lets this go and move on... with the sadden inner...

 

I absolutely can’t believe this things can happen… Do I have any karma to pay off?

 

I’m so shocked to experience all of this things along with his strong dark storm in my life… I honestly don’t feel I deserved all of this…

 

Last but not least, I do appreciate everyone who listen to me, be with me, feel my pain and tried their best to help... Having them in life, is the great gift ever!