Maybe this is not my year…

I proposed for an event and I believed everyone knew it since some, I informed them directly and some was indirectly. That event was almost started, I found an officer of my empire didn’t acknowledge this event and this officer felt being isolated, being ignored… Well, I ever got discriminated and I knew quite well of how it feels like… So, I cancelled everything at the last minute.

Thing didn’t end here, I got accused as this was my intention to ruin this officer’s reputation. I was claimed as I was trying to be a good one who held the event and turned this officer to look too cruel… I was seen just perfectly a witch who was that talent to upside down the situation and took credit. Uhmmm, I was seen the evil one while this officer showed such a creepy feeling toward my action. That officer was the victim from my act.

Without asking me anything, that officer already judged me and I was supposed to get kicked out of empire by the empire’s king since he saw me that way too. From their reaction, I could understand the consequences… They believed I had intention to not let them know but actually, I told their peer to inform them and maybe their peer forgot to share them. This was about communication within their peer…

My luck still existed! They gave me a space to speak up before final decision would be made. I did stand up and shared the actual situation that they missed (I informed that officer indirectly by telling that officer’s peer…). The senior officers, my leader and other officers who worked closely with the king were sharing their opinions, they believed in me, defended me and everything was found. Those people felt better after knowing they were not ignored but instead, it was about message transferring which didn’t reach them. Last but not least, I was still judged as improper to held this event. I was just an ordinary people in the empire and an event like this should be held by the officer level up. I was considered as interfering officer’s duty. This was still a mistake, yet they agreed on term of an unintentional mistake.

Maybe this is not my year… so negativity energy could influent me…

I got advised not to cause this kinda action again.

They asked me to take it as a life lesson and asked me to move on…

I was told I was lucky enough or I may need to leave this green empire…
Very big thanks to the senior officers, the officers and specially my kind leader or else, I would be done...

Everything was solved…

But I was damn breaking inside…

I didn’t mean anything this seriously, I saw it just a normal event…

Everything was over I knew, yet I was not over my emotional state yet…

Maybe my face is more suitable for such a poisonous woman than an innocent one,

That was why they could judge me immediately…

I don’t think I could fall into a victim mood so, since I believed I was much stronger…

But I must admit it,

This occurring really put me into a pain, I’m hurting damn much…

From how I was judged depending on my look…

And I didn’t mind letting myself crumble at that corner of the cold room alone since I was screwed from a man I respect and like a lot…#MyEmpireKing

I always thought he knew me better…Even he is not my lover but when I like someone a lot, that person is capable enough to hurt me this much…

Now I know my worth in his eyes…I think we are closed but I’m then just a citizen in his empire… He has every right to see me this evil and the right to trust that officer better than me… If I am the King, maybe I gonna do the same thing…

#shocked #brokeninside #becauseoftheking
#feelingverythankful #therearepeoplewhobelieveinme #careme
#justiceisstillalive #inthisworld
#iamtherealvictimafterall #cozofmymistakefromnotknowingmyplacewell
#igonnamoveonagainbutimayneedabitmoretime
#onepain #onestrengthgains

#Fiction

Monday of March 25, 2019

The weather today is quite nice that I always fall in its love! The sky is cloudy and there is some windy which put me in a holiday mood while I am here right now in working office… hehehe…

Well, these recent weeks, the weather was absolutely uncomfortable to my country, in average heat was about 35C to 39C. The forecasting announcement said we would have to bear with this kind of weather until early or mid of June 2019. The dry season would be longer than normal with such the rare high heat comparing to these several years so far. My country is facing the lacking of water usage and also electricity. I am in the biggest city of my country and I’m still going through this condition. From my first floor home, someday I don’t even have water to bath… Oh Buddha! Thus, the Electricity Provider announced to cut off our electricity 4 hours per day (can be morning or afternoon) in order to save since the electricity production is quite low comparing to usage requirement. They excused that, it is because of our electricity is produced from water’s speed… I wonder why won’t they think of other choices to get electricity? I don’t think there is only one way to get it… Okay…okay, lets the people in charged solve these issues… All I can say is that I have ability to pay the usage fee of my water and electricity, yet I still cannot use them fully… lol

Oh, there is one solution recommended from them, they suggest us to buy our own generator! Hahhaha…. Too ridiculous to me! And you know what? It is a golden time to generator shop, they increase the price into double… hehehe….

It is a hard period to all people…for all sales teams, pity them! No matter how bad the weather is, they have to go and travel to their target zones… And it is a disaster to my country’s provincial people, especially the farmers! They cannot grow anything nor feed their animals well. The rate of sick people and animals are increasing unbelievably too… I really cannot imagine about my country and our world in next 10 years…

I’m so speechless to nowadays weather…

Yet, today is the most beautiful one among this recently….

Love it…

Love it so much, my chill weather…

Love it even much more if there is some rain…

Love Raining Days! ^^

JUST SOMETIME

Have you ever watched a Korean Drama, is called “Another Miss Oh”?

Try it! That is a very beautiful drama with such an attractive plot and touching loves. In this drama, almost all kinds of love’s tastes are included… You gonna laugh, feeling blush and of course, falling in love and also crying…

Maybe real life won’t really make our love that enjoyable…

Maybe that is meaningful and perfect since that is drama…

However, I still wish to have such heart steaming love just like that…

I want excited hug,

I want him to feel more excited just than me,

I want such a cozy embracing…

And that hot kissing!

How come love can be faded little by little… I am so wondering… Is it coz of a busy life or that love is lighter?

There are numerous times in dreams that I keep falling in love with different sweet men who I have never known before and I have no ideas how come they could appear that perfectly in my wonderland… Maybe coz my soul is still lacking of love, aren’t me?

I wish my man would be falling in love with me again just like when we first met… I’m not that greedy to want him to fall in love with me every single day as in any love songs…. JUST SOMETIME that often is highly appreciated...

My Birthday 2019 X(

January 29, is my birthday of 30 years old! Oh god! My age is starting with number three… lol

I got many wishes from my social media friends and my other friends. I got cakes from my colleagues and my best friends from high school…

Even I was waiting for my family reaction, I still didn’t expect anything such the cake or gift from them but I want to be their special person and I want them to remember my special day and saying “Happy Birthday” with smile.

Yet, my family gifted me such an unexpected moment…

My parents didn’t remember…

My siblings also forgot…

My in-law also didn’t notice…

My both kids are so small to know it…

More than anything, my only one man ended my birth day with such unawareness!!

I told myself I was no longer a young girl, I had to be more mature…

I told myself to stay calm…

I patiently tried all my best to stay ordinarily…

Even actually, I knew I was so angry!

I can be affected but I won’t give anyone the right to own my happiness!

I own my happiness!

Plus, I must love myself, embrace myself even more when no one (of my family) cares!

Last but not least, I told myself I must SMILE for my special day. Crying, disappointment or even a bit sorrow were not allowed, I firmly warned myself. Congratulation, I real did not cry at all on my January 29 but January 30!!!!!!! That was my first time at current working place that I cannot stop my tears to fall down since I already bared that loneliness so hard that full night…

Yeahhh, I’m still a human being and that was a cold pain my family gifted me!

I don’t think I’m ready for Pig Year yet…

I have been quite in harmony for two years, 2017 (rooster year) and 2018 (dog year) which there weren’t any much barriers for my daily life. I love those a lot… I met a lot of excitement moments as well… However, the moment 2019 arrived (the pig year), things started changing…

Due to belief, Pig Year isn’t my year since this year is water and my year is fire. I don’t really wanna believe it too but January already paid me a few frustrating circumstances…

1.

I had some debating with a management and I thought it was just debating… Later, she got some contrasting with my direct superior and all she thought, also other people thought, they believed that my superior was a bit aggressive to that management because I may report him negatively of what have happened between I and her…

I didn’t even take it seriously and I didn’t say a word to my superior! I’m innocent… o_O’

2.

I had a schedule to meet candidates with a sales management in the morning. When first candidate arrived, I informed the management and he asked me to tell her to go first and let’s come again in the afternoon…Several minutes later, the next candidates arrived before time. I cannot ask them to go back since they already arrived at the spot. I tried to negotiate with him, I asked him if anyone could replace him but he said NO. I did try my best to talk with him until he agreed to meet but I had to wait 15 mins.

20 minutes later, he arrived while he agreed to meet only one candidate and the last one, he asked me to tell him to come again in the afternoon. I was quite authentic with him since I told him this was wrong to do so since the candidates all were waiting that long. I stated it could ruin the company's image, not me or him. He just responded very irresponsible as "he won't care whether that is right or wrong until he could complete his urgent task with his Superior".

I did try to calm and followed him, I asked him to meet the first candidate while I deal with another candidate. I confirmed with him again if he would be sure to interview in the afternoon and all he could say was about complaining to my direct department that my attitude was immoral, rude to him, not understand his urgent task with his superior and forced him to interview. I then talked with him but he didn’t while he left at the middle of my conversation with him.

I felt so f*ck off and furious!

3.

Well, I’m a talkative person. I love playing around so much especially, in teasing way and I believe my circles won’t take it serious since we didn’t mean anything but totally a joke. Unexpectedly, one of my joke was not accepted and she is even my closed colleague. She found it as serious case, not kinda teasing… She was upset and she won’t talk to me. I didn’t even notice, be frankly! So I kept talking with her but she told me not to talk to her. All I reacted, I was laughing because I thought she was kidding. Finally, she talked formally to me as she was angry of the way I teased her and she didn’t find it funny at all. I was quite shocked. She was so direct to me, thanks her for being this way actually. She is much younger than me, around 10 years younger but since thing went this way and she was hurtful from my words, I said sorry to her, she forgave me too.

We are back to green mood, just I still feel a bit awkward! I’m quite surprised!

I should mind my words and talk with brain… lol

These three confusing accidents were so unexpected and I believe it is not my mistakes but it is more not my time!

Khmer New Year isn’t coming yet and I met such headache stuff, I cannot imagine what would happen more after the new year arrives!!!

I’m not ready!! I’m not ready yet… I don’t know… I really don’t know!!!

Storm seems starting... I hope to go through it safe and sound...

The King is falling in LOVE

There is a beautiful garden far there and I am walking in for sightseeing. I see the king of my empire is sitting next to an unknown lady and they are enjoying the scenery of lively fresh bold pink flowers. To my local speech, we call that flower as “Paper Flower” but its official name is Bougainvillea.

So, I go to sit next to him without any words and focus on flower’s beauty… I feel a bit weird, I turn to the space behind me and I see three snakes… God! Such the beautiful snakes! They look quite cute, yet they are naturally poisonous. I alert to the king to be careful and ask him to leave the spot… Yet, he just looks at me with smile and keeps sitting there… I decide to go only by myself; however, those three snakes come to block my way… I return to sit… (I think the King could protect me since so far and so forth, he is a man…)

Very unbelievable! Other two snakes arrive… They are crawling on the flowers while then they fall their head down to see us! F***!!!! =___=

I re-alert to the king, it must be time to leave this spot!!! The king still looks that quite calm with his charming smile… Moreover, he even turns his forehead very closer to a snake… It looks like he is offering his forehead for that snake’s biting or kiss?!

=== I’m quite confused!!! ===

I’m not so sure what has been going on so far, yet the king is safe.

Next day, I visit the king’s palace and I see he is chitchatting with two men and a cute lady…

I won’t dare to disturb them, I am waiting outside the room… They actually also don’t look like they are having a formal talk since the king is laying… Step by step, the king cuddles that lady tight and I am surprised again! O___o? The other two men looks surprised too; yet they choose to say nothing. The lady is the most shocked person in the room. She seems awkward, disagreeing and feeling shy… I see she is trying to get out of his cuddling while once she tries, the king hugs her even tighter… I hear what they are speaking….

The Lady: Majesty, please… What are you doing?

The King: Please… Just give me sometime…

The Lady: I would like to go…

The King: Please stay calm… I would not go further… I just want this moment a bit longer…

Look like they already compromise and the environment is quite breathless…

Everyone keeps silent…

I find this moment so sensitive… I wonder how come the king acts this way while he has his queen and two children already… His action is more likely showing that he understands how wrongful to his family from what he is doing… Nevertheless, he still does it despite of guilt but to fulfill his desire…

The way he speaks to her, the way he cuddles her, the eyes that look at her, all his actions strongly show he is falling in love deeply with her, very emotionally…

I really almost could not believe what I see…

I feel sad anyway, he is my idol king who I respect the most, I like him the most of all the kings ever lead me… I thought he is flawless….

I’m disappointed simultaneously…

Though, I also choose to NOT judge him so much since I don’t know his situation, I don’t feel how burning his heart is or what are those supportive situations which leads this result happen…

I am disappointed… I also feel pity to him… He looks misery but also happily to be cuddling with her…

What a complicated landscape…

What a blur future that is!

The moment I start thinking about my future is the moment I start torturing myself…

Coz I have no plan nor goal…

I don’t know what I am good at…

I don’t understand myself…

I don’t get it at all…

WHY?

Since first I believed I had skills and talents…

I could see my own potential which was greater than my circles…

There were the eras I leaded people…

But then, I remain at the same level…

But then, they became higher than me…

Better level than me…

I started to lose hope day by day…

I started to doubt…

I felt very unfair…

Nothing has been changed for my condition…

I ended up being in my current circumstance…

I know nowhere I am,

I know nowhere I should go,

And I know nowhere I should start again,

I gain no power,

I gain no hopes,

Yet, I gain my upset mood…

A smile of mine is faded at the moment I dare to think about my future…

It is so blur… yeah, quite blur!

Many times which I often encouraged myself,

I cheered myself,

I praised myself,

I love myself more,

This and then, I still cannot maintain my inner peace…

And that is me right now, disappointed…

Feeling down deep to de dark….

This is me right now at this seconds and minutes…

My career is such a fail I have ever met. A failure which is quite so much to me…

No one would believe I guess…yeah, I am sobbing right now….

How come my life is quite a pathetic…

Sorry to myself for moving to here in order to get the AM position, yet I am not qualified enough and other person took this role…

I’m so sorry to myself… from my quite broken heart…