Money is not everything but most of things!

Well, I am not living in the hardest life now because of money… but just the hard one. My man is a good guy actually… he gives me all his salary… and just take back to support some of his daily expense. However, I still don’t feel enough. I want him to earn more by doing business or some other legal methods. Of course, if sum up between his salary and me, we could live happily but it is only enough to spend on our daily life… we can save none… I feel so stress most of time when I see him…

My man before was so caring of earning money...but now…he say he doesn't care...he gave me all his salary... and then he feels free...he said.. he doesn't care... when a guy doesn't care of money anymore...de girl will be de hardest... when will I become that real rich?

I keep asking myself… Why? Why I’m the lady but need to work full day while he works mostly only half day? Why? Why I’m the lady but I need to respond many things? And why, why I could earn double than him? Why he seems no instinct to earn more? Why I’m the only one who cares and being hard? And why then, I’m the one who need to be pregnant and need to care much and much more of myself and my whole family? Why? Why? Why? I’m totally tired….

I am not that kinda lady who tend to hide my feeling much… especially with the ones I love… I did share to him what I keep thinking… I ask him if he ever think of our family’s future… I suggest him the ways to earn more…however, he seems reject and dislike what I recommend… I ask him then what does he like? He keeps silent… I try to discuss more… do you know what kind of feedback he gives me? He says that, “what’s wrong with me again? I wanna start more arguments? He is now working too, family is not only depend on me… what else would I need? Money, money…why I love talking about money with him this much… Why?” This is what he responds…

I don’t feel at ease… I feel it is just his excuse to avoid talking about it… Our current income is not that enough for our future; frankly, it is only well enough for our daily… but we don’t mean to live a day for a day coz we already have kids… I’m so speechless…

Sometime, when I’m alone and thinking of my life so far...my tears start falling down without notice... I didn’t hurt coz of no money to support my life but kinda not enough to fulfill our family's desire…just feel regret to get him...a bit regret now...though, it would be the biggest regret later if he doesn’t change… coz we can save none... he doesn’t tend to help me...

I feel I’m envy of him…right? Oh life!

Is it a fate that the God draw for me?

Is it the family that I’m deserved?

I used to have a pretty perspective…I used to trust that money is not everything…. A family can be happy even there is no money… All in all, these are fake…  It is impossible… Everything goes to the end when I face with reality…. Such a disappointment…

More than ridiculous, I’m the hardest, the tired one to earn money…. But coz he used to have a well off background of businessman and earning a lot money, most of people especially our relatives believe that nowadays I live so happily… bcoz of my hubby! Hahhaha…. I wanna shout out loud… But then, I ask myself why I need to be so? If I’m doing that, I will ruin his image forever….

I’m so stress! I need RELAX… I need vocation… and I do need more MONEY!