DO WHAT SCARES ME

I’ve met many unfortunate situations and I don’t think it comes to its end yet. However, I turned most of those heart-aching occurring into life lessons and I became stronger. I’m not the strongest woman, yet I’m better than my previous me and I do appreciate myself for choosing this way to move on.

Recently, I tried something new which I had been so scared of… It should be something very ordinary to many people while it was tough to me and I used my all courage to do it…

I’ve never ever once stayed alone at home from my this almost 30 years old, I’m afraid of those atmosphere which is no human around… Imagination could kill a person… lol… Especially, the one who is so scared of the ghost just like me… Thus, I neither travel to any far place alone… What if I get lost? Or what if I get abducted? I’m not the child from the millionaire’s family, yet I still could think this way… hehehe…

Last weekend, it was a golden chance to test myself… All my family members had to go to join a celebration in the province several days and I previously would always follow them around. Though, this time I told myself I should do what scares me and let’s see what would be going on. I told my family I wouldn’t join them because of the work conditions so I chose to be home alone. They all were surprised and asked if I would be okay and of course, I re-confirmed. They agreed and it was when I had to go through what I chose… I was in my home without anyone, I was damn scared, I turned all the light on and I could not look into the mirror, I tried to escape them… Of course, I could not sleep tight as well… As thought, many imaginations did happen in my mind so I was trying hard to fight with them… It was my mind which created those imaginations so it must be me who had to control my own mind! I did all my house chores and I also found more tasks to do. I spent my time in a productivity way and I wanted time to move faster as well… Finally, it was 9.00 PM that I did all the things and it made me exhausted… Dinner was had while I just laid on the mattress, I was blackout… lol… Things didn’t just end, I waked up at 2.00 AM and I was quite shocked… “Why wasn’t it 6.00 AM”, I was muttering… However, I could manage it again, I told myself, this 2.00 AM was already morning while some people, they would get up and went straight to the wholesale market to buy vegetables for their day time selling… I told myself I was one of those lucky people who could continue my sleep… lol… Then, I won my own mind, even without my family, I could go on and life still goes on!

After a few days being home alone, I told my family I wanted to visit them in the province and they were just like…” Why didn’t I just go with them from the start?” hehehe… Actually, I wanna test myself! 

Leaving from home at around 6.00 AM, I was on TukTuk alone to the bus station, I was a bit clumsy to find where I could get the ticket but there were many kind people who could guess my situation and told me… I then headed to have breakfast that almost made me miss the bus! I ran to the bus and handed my ticket, I found my seat! Most of people looked at me, I may look so weird from looking around again and again… 

It was just a bus but I felt so excited to be there alone, without knowing anyone and of course, it was my first time of life as well to be on public bus! In addition, maybe I also looked strange… I was in the very short jeans, T-shirt and hood Adidas jacket while with my gray fluffy mini bag… Two and a half hours later, I arrived my destination…

Last but not least, I loved my this decision a lot! I could see myself better, I could own my mind and I could win over my imagination while I’m growing braver as well! That is such a good start! 

#lovemyself