Such so complicated FEELING

What is going on of my inner feeling now? I feel so complicated... I’m not sure what I exactly want... My inner world used to be so peaceful without any envy; though, right now I feel so messy... That seems there are two human being in my this single body...one is so starving to get that stuff while another say she doesn’t care of what happens...no matter who takes that stuff, it’s not her business since it doesn’t mean only to be her possession since first step... Still, the first say that at first moment, she deserves to get it and even allow to get it but just a glance, that stuff is taken and give to the new person... and that new person is someone she won’t willing to fight for getting back that stuff..coz it is the best stuff that person should catch...especially, that person is someone she likes...she can’t sacrificed to achieve for herself but better for that person... Actually it is also her choice...to give up and encourage that person to get...but one of her feeling still feel a bit of regret... Gold chance arrives... why she’s brave to lets it go? How come it happens?

Whatever, she absolutely understands one real feeling of herself...if that is not that person; she will never give up and would jump into that battle to get that stuff! NO DOUBT NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS; SHE WILL OVERCOME COZ SHE BELIEVES SHE WILL WIN FOR SURE!

The one who’s so ambitious to get it is me...and the one who agree to lets it be in another’s hand, is also me...I’m in this condition is just alike Alice and that stuff is alike White Rabbit which will guide me the way to enter Wonderland... now that White Rabbit is lost... I won’t be able to reach my goal unless I find another White Rabbit...Oh my...!!!