SMILE

Time is moving from day to day… Uhmm, these few years, I met a lot of things that kept upsetting me…

- Working place where people team up and discriminate me, look down me…

- Family financial crisis that may have no expired date…

- Very big amount of debt…

- Conflict between parents and my man.

Each day, I’m just very busy but I never can release myself from feeling so lonely…

I am smiling, laughing, telling jokes each of most days but I am in that dark of my inner world… I’m sitting there at a tiny corner, hugging my own knees and crying… The feeling is much more than just immediately die I guess. People around me are putting me down intentionally and unintentionally… I’m dying each day of my time, my heart sometime cannot recognize bliss, my brain think of only money and my soul is in a blurry… I’m wishing for someone to rescue me, I’m shouting for the Lord to look at me and blesses me, I’m trying to find a way out from here where I’m exactly at… I want to run away, to a very far place… I want to start a new life… but then, just I still cannot forget about those little kids who need me than anything… I feel too much pressure to live on my life…

Yeahh, I’m smiling but I bet my tears would be there without self-acknowledge once I see the sad scenes or some songs that I don’t really get meaning but the feeling of those singers…

I feel so damn in poverty indeed… Thus, I don’t feel love… I feel only the heavy responsibilities, the people who don’t really understand me but instead of requiring me to understand them most of details…

I look so calm but I’m actually burning my soul…

I look carefree but I’m so complicated and confused…

I look so bright but you may hard to find me there in my inner world coz there is so dark…

All in all, I’m smiling but I’m crying….