It’s truly
fascinating how smart, successful people approach problems. Where others see
impenetrable barriers, they see challenges to embrace and obstacles to
overcome.
Their
confidence in the face of hardship is driven by the ability to let go of the
negativity that holds so many otherwise sensible people back.
Martin
Seligman at the University of Pennsylvania has studied this phenomenon more
than anyone else has, and he’s found that success in life is driven by one
critical distinction—whether you believe that your failures are produced by
personal deficits beyond your control or that they are mistakes you can fix
with effort.
Success
isn’t the only thing determined by your mindset. Seligman has found much higher
rates of depression in people who attribute their failures to personal
deficits. Optimists fare better; they treat failure as learning experiences and
believe they can do better in the future.
This success
mindset requires emotional intelligence (EQ), and it’s no wonder that, among
the million-plus people that TalentSmart has tested, 90% of top performers have
high EQs.
Maintaining
the success mindset isn’t easy. There are seven things, in particular, that
tend to shatter it. These challenges drag people down because they appear to be
barriers that cannot be overcome. Not so for smart people, as these challenges
never hold them back.
Age. Age really is just a number.
Smart people don’t let their age define who they are and what they are capable
of. Just ask Betty White or any young, thriving entrepreneur. I remember a
professor in graduate school who told our class that we were all too young and
inexperienced to do consulting work. He said we had to go work for another
company for several years before we could hope to succeed as independent
consultants. I was the youngest person in the class, and I sat there doing work
for my consulting clients while he droned on. Without fail, people feel
compelled to tell you what you should and shouldn’t do because of your age.
Don’t listen to them. Smart people certainly don’t. They follow their heart and
allow their passion—not the body they’re living in—to be their guide.
They follow
their heart and allow their passion—not the body they’re living in—to be their
guide.
Negativity. Life won’t always go the way you want it to,
but when it comes down to it, you have the same 24 hours in the day as everyone
else does. Smart people make their time count. Instead of complaining about how
things could have been or should have been, they reflect on everything they
have to be grateful for. Then they find the best solution available, tackle the
problem, and move on.
When the
negativity comes from someone else, smart people avoid it by setting limits and
distancing themselves from it. Think of it this way:
If the
complainer were smoking, would you sit there all afternoon inhaling the
second-hand smoke?
Of course
not. You’d distance yourself, and you should do the same with all negative
people.
A great way
to stop complainers in their tracks is to ask them how they intend to fix the
problem they’re complaining about. They will either quiet down or redirect the
conversation in a productive direction.
Toxic people. Smart people believe in a
simple notion: you are the average of the five people you spend the most time
with. Just think about it—some of the most successful companies in recent
history were founded by brilliant pairs. Steve Jobs and Steve Wozniak of Apple
lived in the same neighborhood, Bill Gates and Paul Allen of Microsoft met in
prep school, and Sergey Brin and Larry Page of Google met at Stanford.
Just as
great people help you to reach your full potential, toxic people drag you right
down with them. Whether it's negativity, cruelty, the victim syndrome, or just
plain craziness, toxic people create stress and strife that should be avoided
at all costs.
If you’re
unhappy with where you are in your life, just take a look around. More often
than not, the people you’ve surrounded yourself with are the root of your
problems.
You’ll never
reach your peak until you surround yourself with the right people.
What other
people think. When your
sense of pleasure and satisfaction are derived from comparing yourself to
others, you are no longer the master of your own destiny. While it’s impossible
to turn off your reactions to what others think of you, you don’t have to hold
up your accomplishments to anyone else’s, and you can always take people’s
opinions with a grain of salt. That way, no matter what other people are
thinking or doing, your self-worth comes from within.
Smart people
know that caring about what other people think is a waste of time and energy.
When smart people feel good about something that they’ve done, they don’t let
anyone’s opinions take that away from them.
No matter
what other people think of you at any particular moment, one thing is certain—you’re
never as good or bad as they say you are.
Fear. Fear is nothing more than a
lingering emotion that’s fueled by your imagination. Danger is real. It’s the
uncomfortable rush of adrenaline you get when you almost step in front of a
bus. Fear is a choice. Smart people know this better than anyone does, so they
flip fear on its head. They are addicted to the euphoric feeling they get from
conquering their fears.
Don’t ever
hold back in life just because you feel scared. I often hear people say, “What’s
the worst thing that can happen to you? Will it kill you?” Yet, death isn’t the
worst thing that can happen to you...
The worst
thing that can happen to you is allowing yourself to die inside while you’re
still alive.
The past or
the future. Like fear,
the past and the future are products of your mind. No amount of guilt can
change the past, and no amount of anxiety can change the future. Smart people
know this, and they focus on living in the present moment. It’s impossible to
reach your full potential if you’re constantly somewhere else, unable to fully
embrace the reality (good or bad) of this very moment.
To live in
the moment, you must do two things:
1) Accept
your past. If you don’t make peace with your past, it will never leave you and
it will create your future. Smart people know the only good time to look at the
past is to see how far you’ve come.
2) Accept
the uncertainty of the future, and don’t place unnecessary expectations upon
yourself. Worry has no place in the here and now. As Mark Twain once said,
Worrying is
like paying a debt you don’t owe.
The state of
the world. Keep your eyes on the news for any length of time and you’ll see
it’s just one endless cycle of war, violent attacks, fragile economies, failing
companies, and environmental disasters. It’s easy to think the world is headed
downhill fast.
And who
knows? Maybe it is. But smart people don’t worry about that because they don’t
get caught up in things they can’t control. Instead, they focus their energy on
directing the two things that are completely within their power—their attention
and their effort. They focus their attention on all the things they’re grateful
for, and they look for the good that’s happening in the world. They focus their
effort on doing what they can every single day to improve their own lives and
the world around them, because these small steps are all it takes to make the
world a better place.
They focus
their effort on doing what they can every single day to improve their own lives
and the world around them...
Bringing It
All Together
Your success
is driven by your mindset. With discipline and focus, you can ensure that these
seven obstacles never hold you back from reaching your full potential.
What other
challenges do smart people overcome? Please share your thoughts in the comments
section below, as I learn just as much from you as you do from me.
ABOUT THE
AUTHOR:
Dr. Travis
Bradberry is the
award-winning co-author of the #1 bestselling book, Emotional Intelligence 2.0,
and the cofounder of TalentSmart, the world's leading provider of emotional
intelligence tests and training, serving more than 75% of Fortune 500
companies. His bestselling books have been translated into 25 languages and are
available in more than 150 countries. Dr. Bradberry has written for, or been
covered by, Newsweek, BusinessWeek, Fortune, Forbes, Fast Company, Inc., USA
Today, The Wall Street Journal, The Washington Post, and The Harvard Business
Review.
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